Deja Vu
by Athena Alexandria
Summary: AU. After finding themselves stuck in the seventies, Jack and Kate decide to give their relationship another shot, but what happens when Jack discovers that Kate is keeping secrets from him again? Takes place after Namaste. Jate/Suliet.
1. Chapter 1

I've had this idea since 316 but I wanted to see what life on the island would like for them the second time around before I started writing. It's going to be a little angstier than my other fic, but hopefully most of you will still enjoy it.

Just so you know, I'm ignoring a lot of the quadrangle stuff from Namaste, and keeping Jate and Suliet as the main pairings because I see no need to go there again! ;)

* * *

Chapter 1.

Kate let out a sharp hiss when she tried to sit up and her forehead connected with the bottom of the van she was working on.

"Juliet?" she called, her insides lurching again as she managed to scramble out from underneath it. "Do you know if we have a bucket anywhere?"

"There should be one on that—" Juliet began, gesturing to the row of shelves behind Kate, but before she could finish, Kate seized it, emptying the contents of her stomach inside.

"Are you okay?" Juliet asked her with a concerned frown, setting her wrench down as she crossed to her side.

"Yeah," Kate assured her, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. "I just… how can you stand that smell?"

Juliet sniffed the air, wrinkling her nose in confusion when she didn't seem to notice anything unusual. "What smell?"

Kate gagged as a breeze swept through the garage. "Car grease. Oil." She felt her stomach twist again at the odour that assaulted her nostrils, snatching the bucket back up just in time.

"You should go home, Kate," Juliet told her in sympathetic tone when she straightened. "Take the rest of the day off. I've got it covered."

"I think it's stopped," she insisted, relieved that whatever it was seemed to have passed. She wasn't sure how much more she could take.

She accepted the water bottle that Juliet handed her. "Thanks."

"How long have you been feeling nauseous like this?" Juliet asked her, motioning for her to sit down. She took the chair across from Kate's.

"I don't know – a couple of days, I guess," Kate lied, even though by now it was closer to a week.

It was the first time that she'd been sick at work. She usually managed to slip off to the bathroom before it happened.

Juliet fixed her with a thoughtful expression. "This is probably none of my business, but is there any chance that you could be pregnant?"

This struck a nerve with Kate, for more reasons than one. She couldn't be pregnant. Not because it wasn't possible, but because it would be one of the biggest mistakes of her life.

"You're right – it _is_ none of your business," she snapped.

"I have to ask, Kate, because if you _are _pregnant, you're going to need to be reassigned," Juliet explained in the same calm voice. "You shouldn't be exposing yourself to all these fumes – especially during the first trimester."

Kate tensed at the thought that it might already be too late. She'd been trying so hard to talk herself out of it: what if the damage had already been done?

"There's a chance," she agreed, averting her eyes to an oil stain on the concrete beneath her feet. More than a chance. It was almost a certainty.

"Then I'm going to _strongly recommend_ that you get a blood test before coming back to work."

"Can't I just take one of those home ones?" she argued. Simple. Discreet. All of the confusion and uncertainty could be over in five minutes.

This earned her a sharp look from Juliet. "It's 1977, Kate," she hissed. "Those aren't going to be invented for another _year_."

Kate's heart sank, the anxiety settling in again. She'd forgotten that little detail. She often forgot that they were in the past. That was going to make her situation a lot more complicated than she'd initially thought.

"Sorry," she whispered. They were supposed to be keeping a low profile, which was exactly why she didn't want to become the target of island gossip.

"This doesn't have to be the end of the world, Kate," Juliet assured her in a softer tone, and for a fraction of a second she considered blurting out the whole sordid tale just to get it off her chest.

But what if she felt that it was her duty to tell Jack? Where would that leave her?

Juliet checked to make sure that no one was listening before lowering her voice even further. "Whatever happened to the other women hasn't happened here yet," she continued. "You've seen Amy's baby."

"Ethan," Kate agreed, fighting the urge to laugh at the absurdity of it all as she and Juliet exchanged wary glances.

More than once, she'd considered saying something to Amy or Horace, to keep him from ending up as one of the casualties of their war with the Others.

Of course then she would draw unwanted attention to herself.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Kate," Juliet told her with a smile as she pushed herself to her feet. "In the mean time, try to get some rest, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, even though she didn't know how she was going to be able to relax.

"Juliet?" she called before she disappeared back beneath her own van.

Juliet sat up. "Yeah?"

"Say I really am pregnant – how soon does morning sickness usually start?"

Even if she was pregnant, it didn't have to mean that it had happened that night. She'd been staying over at Jack's place a lot since then.

"That depends. I've heard some women say as early the first week."

The knot of fear in Kate's stomach began to shrink. She was right. It didn't have to be the end of the world, not when she was so close to having everything that she'd ever wanted. Maybe it would all work out for the best.

"Thanks," she told her, flashing her a genuine smile as she stepped out of the garage, into the morning sunshine outside.

* * *

"What can I do for you today, Kate?" the intern – who didn't even look old enough to have finished med school – asked her that afternoon as she sat in his office, dressed in a clean t-shirt and jeans.

"I… ah…" She opened her mouth, then closed it again, ducking her head to hide the self-conscious blush that crept into her cheeks as she remembered why she was there instead of the privacy of her own bathroom.

It was 1977. The sixties were over. Not only that, but she was only supposed to have known Jack for a few weeks. What would people say about her when they found out?

But her need to know outweighed her embarrassment. She lifted her chin, meeting his gaze with a defiant look. "I need you do to a pregnancy test."

She could see that he was surprised, the pleasant smile sliding for his lips. "Okay," he agreed finally, clearing his throat.

He got up from his desk, patting the bed. "Just hop up here and we'll draw some blood."

She pulled herself up, fighting the urge to be sick again as she watched him insert the syringe into her vein.

"There," he said, sealing the vial once it was full. He scribbled her name on the label. "I should have the results for you tomorrow."

She forced a smile as he taped a piece of gauze over the wound. "Great."

He helped her down from the bed, holding onto her arm until she steadied herself.

She paused at the door with her hand on the handle. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone else I came in," she added as an afterthought. She wanted to be sure before making any announcements, _especially_ to Jack.

If it turned out that her and Juliet's suspicions were wrong, then there was no reason that he ever had to know what she'd tried to do… was there? They could just go back to their lives as though nothing had happened.

The intern nodded. "Of course," he agreed, eyeing her with a pitying look that made her flush again as he added, "I understand."

* * *

"Where's Hurley?" she asked Jack when he greeted her at the door of the house that he shared with their friend.

She'd spent the better part of the day wondering what she was going to say to him when she saw him, but she'd promised that she would come over after work.

"He went down to the games room, so it looks like we've got the place to ourselves tonight."

He raised his eyebrows at her, flashing her a lopsided grin, and she couldn't help but smile.

When he walked out on her, she never thought that they could be as happy as they had been over the past few weeks, but here they were again like no time had passed.

"In that case, why don't I make you dinner?" she suggested to cover her guilt as he brought his hands up to rest on her hips, just inches from where their baby could be growing.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" he teased her, his voice low and affectionate, pulling her closer so that their bodies were almost touching.

She flinched at his words as she wondered this herself, hot tears springing to her eyes as she returned, "I could say the same thing about you."

He leant down to kiss her, and for a moment, she concentrated on pushing these thoughts out of her head, focusing all of her energy on him instead.

She wanted to come clean with him, to tell him what she did, but she couldn't, not when she still wasn't sure how he would react.

Without breaking their embrace, she buried her face in his shoulder so that he wouldn't see her expression.

Maybe he would be okay with it, a little voice in the back of her mind insisted as she listened to the steady sound of his breathing. He might even thank her.

Isn't this what he wanted? What they both wanted not that long ago?

But in her heart, she knew that the truth would only hurt him, and destroy the trust that they'd worked so hard to rebuild.

He would see it as a betrayal, and in a way, it was.

She never should have used him like that.

"You know I love you, right?" she told him as he released her, a pleading note in her tone. She needed him to know, just in case everything was about to change.

His smile grew a little wider, his dark eyes shining, and with a mingled sense of dread and relief she realised that he hadn't noticed.

Instead, he drew her in for another soft kiss. "I love you too, Kate," he said.

* * *

Please review and let me know if you'd like me to continue (or have any theories about what Kate is so afraid to tell Jack!), and I'll _try_ to get an update of Brother's Keeper up over the weekend! ;)


	2. Chapter 2

Wow! I don't think I've ever received such an enthusiastic response to a "canon" fic before, so thanks! I just hope that it continues to live up to your expectations.

I'm a little confused about the living arrangements on the show, so for the sake of this fic, Jack and Hurley are roommates and Kate is sharing a house with a couple of the other female recruits. Or pretending too... ;)

* * *

Chapter 2.

The nausea that had plagued Kate for the past few days returned in full force the next morning.

Jack stirred when she shifted his hand from her hip to the mattress beside him. "What time is it?" he murmured without opening his eyes.

"It's early," she told him, reaching out to comb his rumpled hair with her fingers. She was glad that he'd decided to grow it out; it made him look younger. "Go back to sleep."

He rolled away from her, onto his back, mumbling something that she didn't catch, but could have been "Okay".

She wrapped the comforter around herself as she made a dash for the bathroom, praying that she would be spared the awkwardness of running into Hurley in the hall.

Jack was awake when she crept back into the room. "Where did you go?" he asked, blinking at her as she crawled into bed.

"Where d'you think?" she teased him, deciding that for now, at least, it was better for him to believe that it was her bladder and not her stomach that needed relieving. If the test came back positive, _then_ she would tell him.

He smiled, slipping his arms around her waist, pulling her against his chest. "I'm glad you came back," he confessed. "I hate sleeping without you."

He pressed his lips to her skin, trailing soft kisses along her bare shoulder, but he stopped when he noticed the bruising on the inside of her elbow. "What's this?" he asked, turning it towards him.

"It's nothing," she insisted. She'd thought removing the bandaid would be enough.

He leant closer to examine it. "It looks like a needle mark," he told her, running his thumb over the tiny wound.

She withdrew her arm, using it to push herself up. "I just had to go in for a standard blood test, that's all," she lied, getting up to retrieve her clothes.

He propped himself on one elbow, watching her dress with a bemused expression. "That's strange – they didn't ask me to take one."

"I just do what I'm told," she quipped, closing her jeans.

"You and me both," he agreed with a self-deprecating laugh, and she almost sighed with relief.

He didn't suspect anything. In fact, he seemed quite relaxed, less concerned with the details. It made her feel worse about deceiving him.

"I should get back before the other girls wake up," she told him, yanking her t-shirt over her head.

He sat back against the headboard, flashing her a smile, that on an ordinary day, would melt her resistance as he suggested, "You know, you could just move in here… with me."

If only it were that simple. If only they could just go back to the way things were before.

"Yeah? And how would that look?" she asked him as she knelt on the edge of the mattress to kiss him. "We've only known each other a month, remember?"

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, leaving it sticking up in places. "How could I forget?"

She knew that he hated being there even more than she did. He hadn't signed up to come back to the island just to end up a workman.

"Will I see you tonight?" he asked, pulling her down for one last drawn out kiss.

By tonight, she would know how bad it was. She forced a smile for him. "Sure."

* * *

She stayed in bed until she was sure that her roommates had left, staring at the ceiling as the minutes ticked on.

She wished that she'd made more of an effort to get to know them, but since she'd never expected to stay there that long, all of her time was spent with Jack and Hurley, Sawyer and Juliet.

She thought about going to see Juliet now, but she didn't want her to come in until she could give her an answer…

She pushed her t-shirt up under her ribs, exploring her abdomen with tentative fingers. It was hard to believe that the beginnings of a person might be forming there, inside her body, comprised in equal parts of her and Jack.

She wondered if, as a Shephard, it would resemble the son that she'd lost: if it would have his smile, or some of his features, or its brow would furrow the same way when it slept.

The thought was almost too much for her to bear, and yet it was her secret hope that she would be able to see a little of him in there too…

She jerked her hand back at the sound of a distant rap at the door.

It was the intern who'd taken her blood, a folder tucked under his arm. "I went by the motor pool but Juliet said you're not working today," he told her.

"She gave me the day off," she agreed, stepping back to let him inside. "Guess she didn't want me to sue."

He stared at her with a blank look. "Why would you do that?"

"It was as a joke," she assured him, feeling stupid now that she was forced to explain. Of course he wouldn't know what she was talking about.

His awkward laugh made her even more uncomfortable.

"Coffee?" she offered, pausing at the entrance to the kitchen.

"No. Thanks." He gestured to the file in his hands. "I just came to give you the results of your blood test."

"She was right, wasn't she?" she whispered, sinking into an armchair. "I'm pregnant." Why else would he go out of his way to tell her in person?

She'd expected to feel alive again, as though her sense of purpose had been renewed, but she was just as overwhelmed as she was that night…

He closed the file and sat down across from her. "No one has to know," he agreed in a gentler tone, seeming to misread her silence. "Not if you don't want them too. We can make arrangements for you to go back over to the mainland—"

She cut him off with a firm shake of her head. "My life is here. I'm staying on this island," she insisted.

She wanted this child, _her_ child. She still didn't know how it was going to work, but she refused to give it up too.

"And I'm keeping my baby," she told him before he could make any more helpful suggestions.

She could see that he was surprised by her decision. "Well then," he told her, getting to his feet, "come by the clinic when you're ready and we'll schedule your first appointment."

* * *

"Hey, Kate."

"Hey, Hurley," she greeted him with the warmest smile that she could manage when he opened the door for her. "Is Jack home?"

She'd put off seeing him for as long as she could, but now, she was running out of excuses.

"Yeah. Jack?" he bellowed into the house. "Kate!"

A moment later, Jack appeared in the doorway behind him, his hair damp, a towel slung around his neck.

"Hi," he said, his face lighting up when he saw her. He moved forward to kiss her.

"Can we go to your room?" she said when he released her, shooting a glance in Hurley's direction. "There's something we need to talk about."

His eyes were questioning as they seemed to search hers, but he nodded. "We're going to my room," he told their friend, picking up her hand.

"Is everything okay?" he asked her once the door was closed behind them.

He perched on the bed, waiting for her to explain, but she continued to pace.

"That depends on how you react to what I'm about to tell you," she confessed.

"You can tell me anything," he insisted, touching her arm to get her to stand still.

She still wasn't sure how she wanted to do this, so she decided to come right out and say it… At least the part that she knew he'd be receptive too.

"Okay." Nothing could be worse than the anticipation. "Here goes…" She took a deep breath, flashing him a nervous smile as she announced, "I'm pregnant."

He blinked up at her in disbelief. "You're…?"

"Pregnant," she repeated, taken aback when he laughed. "Jack?" What was he doing? Had she finally pushed him to the edge of his sanity?

She stopped in front of him. "Did you hear me?" This wasn't how she'd imagined the conversation playing out. It was easier for her to understand what was going on inside his head when he yelled.

"I heard you," he agreed, his expression changing, becoming grave. "I just… I can't believe we're having a baby."

The hint of a smile graced his features as he slid his hand up her shirt, caressing her skin.

"You're happy about this?" she pressed, fighting the urge to push it away. His happiness was like a knife, piercing her heart.

"The timing couldn't be worse," he admitted. "But honestly?"

She nodded. She needed to know exactly how he was feeling.

Guilt gnawed at her insides as his face split into a broad grin. "I think this could be the best thing that's ever happened to us."

He thought it meant something. She stared down at his palm where it rested over her stomach. Would he still be saying that if he knew the truth?

"Hey," he murmured when she didn't answer, removing it so that he could lift her chin. "I know this must be hard for you, after… after Aaron… but maybe this is just what you need – a second chance, for both of us."

She almost laughed at the irony of hearing him say those words, now when it was too late. Instead, she felt like crying. How did things get this complicated? All she'd wanted was for her life to make sense again.

She sat down on the bed, curling against him with her head on his shoulder. "What're we gonna do, Jack?" she whispered. "No one even knows we're together. They all think we just met."

His hand seemed to move of its own accord, stroking her hair as he considered their predicament. The only sound in the room was their breaths.

"That's why we should tell them, give them a chance to get used to the idea," he said after a moment; while she couldn't see his expression, she could hear the excitement in his voice as he warmed to his idea. "Then in about a month or so, when things settle down, I think we should get married…"

* * *

(If anyone wants to know my theory, I think Kate gave Aaron to Carol, which is the idea that I'm working off here. His disappearance won't be a huge part of this story though, except for the effect that it has on Kate... ;))


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the reviews. I was worried that the latest episode would contradict my plans for this fic, but it actually set it up quite nicely (if you ignore all the ambiguous quadrangle stuff ;)). I should warn you that this chapter has a fair amount of _platonic_ Skate, but you'll see why when you read it. Like I said, this fic is definitely Jate/Suliet... ;)

* * *

Chapter 3.

"Married, Jack?" Kate repeated, bolting upright, stunned.

He grinned. "Why not? It's what was meant to happen anyway, right? Before all this?" He gestured around them, in the direction of the window that separated them from the rest of the village.

"I know it's the seventies, Jack, but I don't wanna be one of those women who only gets married because they're pregnant," she protested; more than that, she didn't want to feel like she'd trapped him into doing what he saw as the right thing.

"Trust me, that's not what this is," he assured her. He glanced down at their hands as he lifted hers off the mattress, weaving their fingers together. "I love you, Kate – I'd still wanna be with you even if you weren't."

She wished that he would at least give her time to think but she could see that he wasn't going to stop until he had her convinced as well.

"But since this _is_ the seventies," he continued with a sly smile, "and we're all supposed to be keeping a low profile, don't you think it's best that we avoid drawing attention to ourselves?"

"Jack…"

"Come on," he insisted, bumping her shoulder with his. "It'll be great. We'll get our own place with plenty of room for a nursery, and a backyard for our kids to play in…"

She smiled despite herself, seduced by the picture of their future that he was painting. "Kids?"

"We don't want her to get lonely," he explained in a reasonable tone, but she could see the twinkle in his eye as he added, "I'm thinking two, maybe three, but I'll leave the final number up to you…"

He snuck a sidelong glance at her to see her reaction. "So what d'you say, Kate?" he asked, flashing her a lopsided grin. "Will you marry me?"

She should tell him now, before she let this go any further, but she couldn't, not with him looking so hopeful.

This was it, everything that she'd ever dreamed of: a home and family with a good man who made her happier than she'd ever thought that she could be. She'd lost that once before. How could she break both of their hearts again by saying no?

"Yes," she agreed.

His smile grew so wide that she was almost afraid his face would crack.

"Of course," she told him with more confidence than she felt.

He cupped her face in his palms, kissing her with so much love and tenderness that it made her heart ache to remember how she'd exploited it. "You won't regret it again," he whispered. "I'm gonna make it up to you – I promise."

"You don't have to make anything up to me," she assured him, not when she was the one who'd messed up this time.

He pulled her down with him so that they were lying together on the bed. "Who would've thought the right time for us would be in 1977?" he mused.

She laughed as a new thought occurred to her, one that she hadn't considered before.

"What?" he asked with a grin, shifting onto his side to face her.

"I was just thinking… It's 1977, so I haven't even been born yet. Not for a few more months," she explained.

"So that means in _200_7, you and our baby will be almost the same age," he said, catching on. "It's a good thing it didn't happen sooner or she might actually be older than you."

Just the thought of it made her head hurt. "Weird, huh?" she agreed.

Almost as if he needed to keep reminding himself that what she'd told him was real, he pushed her shirt up, tracing idle patterns across her stomach with his fingers.

"Well, right at this moment, I'm in about the fourth grade, so I guess that makes me a cradle snatcher," he teased her, letting it fall back into place as he moved in to kiss her again.

* * *

For the rest of the evening, she forced herself to push her doubts aside and share his joy, but later, as she lay with him in the darkness, listening to the rhythmic sound of his breathing, they all came flooding back to her.

She had to get out of there, to somewhere where she felt less suffocated, so she waited until he relaxed his grip on her to slip out of bed.

"Hey. You're up late," a familiar voice greeted her as she sat one the picnic tables outside; she looked up to see Sawyer – she didn't know if she would ever get used to hearing people call him 'LaFleur' – coming towards her, still dressed in his khaki coveralls like he'd just come back from patrolling the area.

She could tell that he was surprised to see her there at an hour when most sane people would be in bed.

His voice dropped to a whisper even though there was no one else around to hear him. "Jack know you're out here?"

"He's asleep," she explained. He used to toss and turn all night, keeping her awake too, but she'd noticed that he seemed to sleep better these days without the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"You two have some kind of fallin' out?" Sawyer asked with a concerned frown.

"No. I've just got a lot on my mind," she confessed.

"Oh yeah?" He glanced back at the house he shared with Juliet; seeming to decide that home could wait a little longer, he lowered his gun and slid onto the bench across from her. "Like what?"

"Like the fact that I just found out I'm pregnant," she told him. He would find out eventually. They could only keep it quiet for so long.

He was silent as he processed this information. "That's… Congratulations, Kate," he said after a moment and she knew that he was being sincere, even though the words were hard for him to get out. After all, he loved her once. Maybe there was some part of him that still did. "I know how much you wanted to be a mom."

She flashed him a weak smile, but couldn't bring herself to thank him.

"Lemme guess – Jack is pissed because it wasn't in the plan. Thinks y'll should've been more careful," he tried when she didn't answer, seeming to sense that it was more complicated than that. He'd always been too good at reading her.

"Jack couldn't be more thrilled," she corrected him. She couldn't help the small, affectionate laugh that escaped as she added, "If he wasn't so afraid of jinxing it, I think he would've already started picking out names."

This seemed to confuse Sawyer. If she was honest, it confused her too. Why couldn't she just be happy, like he was? "So what's the problem?"

"The _problem_ is that he thinks it's fate," she told him, fighting back another wave of misery as she stared out into the darkened jungle.

His breath hitched; she recognised the sound: shock. "You're saying it wasn't?"

She pressed her lips together, shaking her head. "After I lost Aaron… I felt like I couldn't breathe," she explained, swallowing against the lump forming in her throat. Of all the bad things that she'd done in her life, this had to be one of the worst because for once, she couldn't say that he'd deserved it. "I thought if I had a baby that was really _mine_ – one that that no one could take from me – maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. That I could breathe again. I knew we were coming back here – I figured it was my last chance…"

She was so sure at the time that another day could mean the difference between living and dying.

"So you conned him?" he insisted; she was surprised to hear the disapproval in his tone when he was no stranger to using people to get what he wanted.

"Yes," she agreed. "_No_." She choked back a sob as the magnitude of what she'd done washed over her again. "God, I love him so much."

Sawyer turned away from her as she ran the back of her hand over her eyes, wiping away her tears. "You should've seen him with Aaron – he's gonna be a great father," she told him. It was still no excuse for forcing the role onto him, but it made her feel better to know that, whatever else happened between her and Jack, her baby wouldn't suffer because of her mistake.

"You mind if I ask you a question?" he said after a long moment.

She nodded to tell him to go ahead, still trying to get her emotions under control.

"If we were still together, would you've wanted me to knock you up?"

It wasn't what she'd expected. "I don't know," she confessed. She'd never asked herself what would have happened if Jack hadn't been around.

"My point exactly," he continued, a defeated note in his tone. "You could've picked up some other sucker, but you didn't, even though you knew it meant getting back with the doc. You didn't just want a kid, Kate – you wanted _his_ kid."

As soon as he said it, she knew that it was true. She'd driven over to Jack's place on autopilot. There was nowhere else that she wanted to go. At least she could take comfort in that.

"How do I tell him?" she asked him. She could just see the look on his face when he realised that he'd been played: that combination of hurt, indignation and pity. She didn't know if they could ever come back from that. Would he ever be able to trust her again? "I mean, shouldn't he know?"

His eyes widened with alarm at this suggestion. "Tell him? Are you crazy?" he insisted. "You wanna ruin the nice little set up you goin' here?"

What she wanted was to go back in there and fall asleep in his arms and forget that it wasn't the happy accident that he believed it was.

"No, but we're supposed to be starting over," she explained. "I don't want our relationship to be built on another lie." That were where it had all gone wrong the first time.

"The way I see it, you're giving him everything he's ever wanted – you, a kid…" He let out an ironic chuckle, "Hell, we find Vincent wandering out in the jungle and you'll have the whole package."

He softened as he went on, "My whole damn life is a lie and I ain't ever been happier. Some lies are better than the truth, Kate…"


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews. So I _finally_ got around to updating this fic! I'll try not to leave it that long next time, but it sort of depends on what happens in the season finale. I always planned for Suliet to play an important role of this story, so if Juliet dies, or they break up, and we get hints of Skate in season six, I'm not sure when I'll feel inspired again! ;)

* * *

Chapter 4.

"Okay, what did you do?" Jack asked Kate, giving the air an appreciative sniff as he joined her in the kitchen, where she was frying pancakes for breakfast.

After deciding that Sawyer was right – no good would come from correcting his assumption that her pregnancy had come as as much of a shock to her that it had to him – she'd woken up feeling better than she had since they'd arrived back on the island, but at these words, the smile slid from her face. "I'm sorry?"

Sensing the change in her mood, he moved up behind her. "Hey, relax," he murmured, his strong arms encircling her waist, pulling her body back into his. "I was just kidding."

"I know," she agreed, swallowing against the dryness in her throat as he pressed a gentle kiss to the skin exposed by the open neck of her blouse.

"You okay?" he checked, scrutinising her expression, as if he thought staring hard enough would somehow allow him to read her mind. It was a good thing that he couldn't. "You're still a little pale. Did the doctor say anything about you being anaemic?"

"I'm _fine_, Jack," she insisted, forcing a smile for him as she turned the pancakes again. "Just trying to adjust."

"Well it's a pretty big adjustment," he agreed as he released her. "We just need to take it one step at a time – starting with getting you fed." He took the spatula from her hand. "Why don't you let me finish up here? That way you can sit down."

Under any other circumstances she would have enjoyed being waited on, but she wanted to do something nice for him, something to show him how much she appreciated him and it was all she could think of. "You know, you really don't have to do this," she argued as she watched him flip them. "Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean—"

"You're having my baby, Kate," he interrupted her with a grin. "Which _means_ I intend to pamper you for the next seven or eight months."

He was handling the situation better than she could have dreamed; flicking the dial on the stove to off, she backed him into the cabinet, kissing him until a voice behind them exclaimed, "Dude!"

They both turned to see Hurley – already dressed for work in his khaki jumpsuit – frozen in the entrance to the dining room, his hand clamped over his eyes in an effort to give them some privacy. "Maybe we should have some kind of signal," he said, squinting at them through his fingers.

Kate glanced back at Jack and they both laughed. "It's okay, Hurley," he told him, letting go of her. "Grab a plate, come join the party."

"What're we celebrating?" he asked as he helped himself to a stack of pancakes. He shot them a wary look. "It's not, like, you're… uh… anniversary or something?"

They hadn't discussed whether or not they wanted to wait until after her first check up to make any announcements. "You should tell him," Kate said to Jack. She'd already talked to Sawyer and Juliet; he deserved the chance to be there when they shared the news with at least one of their friends, before he heard it from somebody else.

"Kate and I are having a baby," he explained.

Hurley's face lit up with surprise. "A baby? Wow, that's awesome!" he exclaimed, almost bowling him over as he threw his arms around him, pulling him into an enthusiastic hug.

"Ooph," Kate grunted, her lungs crying out in protest when it was her turn.

"Sorry. Is the…?" His eyes darted down to her belly, guilt written across his expression as he stepped back.

She nodded. "It's fine," she agreed, exchanging an amused glance with Jack. "You can't hurt it."

"So what's on the agenda for today?" Jack asked Kate when they were alone again. He collected the remaining plates and carried them over to the sink.

"I thought I'd resign from the motor pool," she told him, reaching for a dishcloth when he pushed up the sleeves of his jumpsuit and turned on the taps. "Juliet says being around all those fumes it isn't good for the baby."

"Juliet? When did you talk to her?" he asked.

It was hard to tell from his mild tone if he was upset or just surprised. "Just at work the other day. She was the one who told me I should get tested," she confessed.

She knew that she shouldn't have added the last part when he furrowed his brow in confusion. "I thought you said the blood test was mandatory?"

She remembered then that she had, but it was too late to backtrack. "What exactly're you implying, Jack?" Did he know that she was lying, about that at least?

The crease in his forehead deepened. "I'm not implying anything, Kate, I just didn't realise you'd told her."

"I didn't _tell_ her, Jack – she figured it out," she corrected him. "She used to do this for a living, you know."

"Are you sure you're okay?" he insisted after a moment.

"Just a little hormonal, I guess," she lied, hoping that this would convince him to put her irrational outburst out of his mind.

It seemed to have the desired effect. "I know this isn't what we planned…" he began, his choice of words making her cringe on the inside where he wouldn't be able to see it, but she cut him off.

"I want this," she assured him. That much, at least, was true.

His expression softened into a grin. "Me too."

* * *

"Kate, hey," Juliet greeted her, sliding out from underneath the last van when Kate called her name to get her attention. She wiped her hands on a rag as she scrambled to her feet. "How're you feeling?"

"Good," Kate assured her. "Listen, you said you wanted me to keep you posted, so I came here to tell you that I'm—"

"Definitely pregnant," Juliet finished for her.

"How did you…?" It could just be a lucky guess, she supposed, but she seemed pretty certain.

"James told me," she explained. "He said the two of you ran into each other last night."

"What else did he say?" Kate insisted. Had he filled her in on the rest of her confession?

"That's all," Juliet agreed, and Kate found herself relaxing until she propped her back against the doorframe, fixing her with a thoughtful look as she sipped from her water bottle. "Only members of the Dharma Initiative and their immediate families are allowed to stay on the island, so since you and Jack aren't married, you'll need to find another assignment until you give birth."

* * *

"What brings you ladies here?" Amy asked, tearing her eyes from whatever she was writing when they entered the house that was being used as the administration centre.

"Kate here needs to be transferred out of the motor pool," Juliet told her. "Do you think you could arrange for her to do something a little less… strenuous?"

"We don't normally a—"

"She's pregnant, Amy," Juliet explained. "Surely you can make an exception?"

Kate was glad that she'd offered to come along when Amy nodded. "I could do with an extra pair of hands in the office," she agreed.

Kate flashed Juliet a grateful smile as she said her goodbyes and left her there to head back to the motor pool.

"How're you at filing?" Amy asked her.

"Okay, I guess," she answered, in case it was a test. Was it really a lie if she'd never had the opportunity to find out?

"Great." Amy dropped her pen and pushed back her chair, retrieving a set of keys from the desk. She used them to unlock a door on the other side of the room, returning with a box of papers. "These will need to be sorted and put into everybody's files. Do you think you can handle that?"

It didn't sound too hard, so Kate nodded. "Sure."

"You have no idea what you're doing, do you?" Amy asked an hour later when she still hadn't made much progress.

It had taken her almost half an hour to figure out that as well as being arranged by surname, the files had been separated by rank and assignment. "Not really," she confessed, wondering if Amy had the power to fire her, and what would happen to her then. She didn't want to be kicked off the island.

To her relief, she just laughed. "It's okay, you'll learn," she assured her. "We've all gotta start somewhere."

Ethan's bassinette was set up in the corner, so that Amy could keep him close while she worked; as Kate got up make another trip to the filing cabinet, she couldn't resist peeking inside. He was wide awake, sucking his thumb, his blue eyes fixing on hers. "Your son is beautiful," she told her. It was hard to believe that something that precious would grow up to be the same man who'd kidnapped Claire and hung Charlie from a tree. "Would you mind if I…?"

"No, go ahead," Amy agreed with a kind smile.

It was so long since Kate had held a baby; as she lifted him against her chest, breathing in the familiar powdery scent, she realised with a pang that he was the same age Aaron had been when she began calling herself his mother. In the two months since she'd given him up, the pain had faded to a dull ache, but it still crept up on her sometimes, like now.

Amy put her pen down again to watch them. "Do you know when you're due?" she asked.

"Not yet," Kate admitted, even though in the back of her mind, she had a pretty good feeling. "I haven't been in for an appointment." Now that her life wasn't in danger, she was still clinging to the hope that she wasn't as far along as she thought.

Amy's gaze strayed her left hand, where it rested on Ethan's back; she knew that it must look conspicuously bare, without even an engagement ring, despite the fact that she and Jack were technically engaged. "Your boyfriend, did he come to the island with you?"

"Jack," Kate agreed, unable to help the ironic grin that spread over her features as she added, "He's a workman." It was strange to think that that was how people knew him here. It didn't seem to bother him now, but would that change if they stayed and their son or daughter grew up there? Or would he just be glad for the extra time with his family?

The corners of Amy's lips twitched into a smirk. "The cute one?" she teased her.

Kate felt her cheeks heat up with embarrassment as she wondered if – without knowing their history – she would assume that that was why she'd slept with him. "Yeah," she agreed.

Amy smiled as she picked up the papers in front of her. "Good for you." She shuffled them in silence for a moment, a note of seriousness creeping back into her tone as she asked, "How does he feel about being a daddy?"

It took Kate a moment to remember that this was still the seventies: as modern as Amy seemed, like most of the people there, she might not entirely approve; that or she just felt sorry for her for getting herself knocked up in the first place.

"I don't think I've ever seen him that excited," Kate confessed with a grin before she could get the wrong idea about Jack _or_ their relationship. Even if this wasn't something that they both wanted, he wasn't the kind of guy who could walk out on his child or push her into having an abortion. "He wants to marry me."

"Then I guess double congratulations are in order," Amy said. "You're very lucky."

The innuendo wasn't lost on Kate. "Thanks," she told her.

"You're welcome. And don't worry, Kate – your secret's safe with me…"


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the reviews. Just to be clear, I promise you that Kate's baby is 100 per cent Jaby, so there will be no shock twist there. The secret she's keeping from Jack is exactly what she told Sawyer: that she went to his apartment to sleep with him, with the intention of getting pregnant. (I'll explain her motivation for that in more detail later.) I'm sure some people are asking, "Why doesn't she just tell him?" Because she only just got him back and we all know how he feels about being manipulated.

The other thing you should know about this fic is that I wanted to play with the idea that they're in the seventies, when people were much more conservative about sex and relationships than they are now. (Hence Amy's mistaken assumption that Jack and Kate plan to keep her pregnancy a secret until they get married). It's something I would have liked to have seen on the show. (I always thought we were going to find out that Sawyer and Juliet were pretending to be married to explain why everyone was so accepting of them "playing house".) ;)

* * *

Chapter 5.

"So your appointment's at two?" Jack checked, swallowing the remnants of his coffee.

"You know, you don't have to come," Kate told him. Lately it seemed like all he did – aside from work – was worry about her and whether or not she was getting enough food or water or rest. When she made the decision to get pregnant, she hadn't really thought about how much it was going impact on _him_; she wasn't thinking much of anything beyond making the pain stop, and now he'd had his whole life turned upside down because of her.

Then again, by convincing her to come back, he'd managed to do the same thing to her.

"Are you kidding?" With his free hand, he rubbed the slight rise in her belly through the thin cheesecloth of her shirt. "And miss out on seeing her with you for the first time?"

Juliet had already gone over the process with her. "I don't even know if they'll do an ultrasound—" she warned him, stopping when he shifted his hands to her arms.

"Kate, I want to," he assured her, his voice firm, decisive. The corners of his mouth lifted into a wry smile. "Besides, it'll give me a chance to check him out, make sure he's doing his job properly."

The dubious note in his tone made her smile. Somehow she'd always known that he would be like this: cautious, protective, reluctant to trust them to anyone but himself. She rewarded him with a quick, impulsive kiss, wrinkling her nose when she could still taste the coffee on his breath. "Then I guess we'll see you at two," she agreed.

* * *

"You've met Jack?" Kate said when the doctor called her in from the waiting room and they got up hand in hand to go in.

The doctor's eyes darted down to the front of Jack's jumpsuit. "You're one of the workmen?"

She felt his back stiffen as he stood up a little straighter. "That's right," he agreed.

She knew that it wasn't easy for him, being in an infirmary where he wasn't the one in charge.

"Great. There's some waste out back that needs to be driven out to the incinerator—"

"I'm not on duty," he cut in. "I'm here to support Kate." His frown deepened when he noticed the doctor's expression. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"You're the father?" The doctor asked, directing the question more at Kate.

"I'm the fiancé," Jack told him, slipping a possessive arm around her waist to emphasise his point.

"It's just that this is highly unusual," the doctor explained. "It's not standard procedure for husbands – or _fiancés_," he amended before either one of them could correct him, "to be present in the exam room during these appointments."

"You're telling me _none_ of the other men here have asked to come in with their wives?" Jack repeated, shooting Kate an incredulous look.

"You would be the first," the doctor agreed, looking wary when Jack exploded.

"So what exactly _is_ standard procedure?" he demanded. "I wait out here and Kate tells me exactly what you just told her?"

She could see that his intimidating stance was making the doctor uncomfortable. "Jack." She took hold of his bicep to pull him back into line.

"With all due respect, I'm the patient and I'm asking you if you could just make an exception," she said, hoping to appeal to his more emotional side. She couldn't stand seeing Jack so disappointed, especially when he'd gone to all the trouble of swapping rounds with Roger so that he could be there. "Please? This is really important to us."

The doctor sighed. "I'll let you know when it's time for the ultrasound," he told him, "but until then, you're staying right where you are."

* * *

"I'd like you to put this on for me and then we can get started," the doctor said, handing Kate a thin paper gown and leaving her to get changed.

She folded the rest of her clothes and placed them on a chair, wishing that Jack had been allowed to stay with her as she waited for him to return. Despite everything Juliet had told her, she still had no idea what to expect.

A lot of questions, it seemed. "What was the date of your last period?" he asked once he'd gone through the usual preliminaries, enquiring about her morning sickness and energy levels.

She had it marked in a diary that had disappeared along with the rest of her belongings. "I… uh… I don't remember," she told him. What she _did_ know was that it wouldn't be for another thirty years, which was sure to complicate things.

"Are you sure? Because that's going to make your due date difficult the determine."

She forced herself to think back, to when they'd first arrived. "I had some bleeding about a week after I got here," she told him. At the time, she was sure that it meant it hadn't worked. "That was almost three months ago."

"That could have been any number of things – spotting, implantation bleeding… Hopefully the ultrasound will give us a better idea of when you conceived," he said, glancing down at the folder in his hands.

It was a copy of her file, she realised. The same one they had in the office. "I don't seem to have your medical records here," he confessed. "Who was your treating physician back home?"

"It was Dr…" She trailed off as she wondered if he would try to contact her.

"It's too late to have it sent over from the mainland," he said, letting her off the hook. "So maybe you can just give me the highlights for now?"

She nodded, relieved that she didn't have to lie.

"Have you ever been pregnant before?"

"No," she replied, but she had a son once: why didn't he ask about that? It was beginning to feel as though Aaron had never existed.

"Did you have any trouble getting pregnant?"

"No, not really," she confessed. It was much easier than she would have thought, requiring very little effort on her part.

"Not really?" he repeated, glancing up from his clipboard.

"I don't know – this is the first time I've tried," she confessed.

"So this pregnancy was intentional?" He sounded surprised.

For the first time, she was glad that he'd made Jack wait outside. "Anything I say is confidential, right?" she checked. "You can't tell anyone… even Jack?"

"That's right," he assured her.

"Then yes," she confessed, just in case it was important. "It was intentional."

It could have been her imagination, but she thought she saw a hint of disapproval in the way he pursed his lips. "I know what you're thinking, but that's not what this was – I wasn't trying to trap him," she insisted when he didn't say anything, scribbling something on his clipboard.

"Of course not," he agreed without any outward sign of emotion. He put it down on the bench behind him. "Why don't we skip ahead to the exam?"

He measured her heart rate and blood pressure before asking her to step up onto an old set of analogue scales. "I'd like to see you gain a little more weight," he said when the needle stopped at 125, recording this on her chart. "Remember, you're eating for two now."

By her own count, she'd already put on at least five pounds since falling pregnant: almost as much as her baby would eventually weigh. According to what she'd heard Juliet tell Sun, that was more than enough for the first trimester.

Most of what she knew about pregnancy came from Claire and Sun, and listening to the other mothers at the park. "What else should I be doing?" she asked.

"Absolutely nothing," he told her. "You should try to limit your physical activity as much as possible. Household chores, however, are fine."

"You're saying I shouldn't exercise _at all_?" she repeated.

"Not unless you want to risk harming your baby."

"But running… I thought that was safe, as long as I don't get my heart rate up too high?" she insisted. She'd been out with Jack a few times before her morning sickness forced her to stop.

"I wouldn't recommend it – you could disrupt the foetus and bring on a miscarriage. There are also a couple of theories that suggest exercise directs the flow of blood _away_ from the uterus…"

She was torn between horror and confusion as he continued to outline the risks. Surely Jack – the same man who insisted on carrying anything heavier than a laundry basket for her – would have said something if he thought it was likely to endanger their child? "Okaaay," she agreed, vowing to run it by Juliet the next time she saw her. "Is that all I need to avoid? Aside from cigarettes and alcohol? And car fumes?"

"I wouldn't worry too much about those things, Kate – plenty of the women here smoked right through their pregnancies." She was sure he must have noticed how pale she went as he added, "You might want to limit yourself to one or two glasses of wine a night though, just to be safe – I'm not sure if you're familiar with the reports on Foetal Alcohol Syndrome? Other than that, just keep doing exactly what you're doing."

Nothing that he'd said seemed like sound advice. She found herself wondering if he'd even gone to medical school as she asked, "That's it? Isn't there anything I should take? You know, like vitamins?"

"You're pregnant, Kate, not sick," he scoffed.

He pushed the button for the intercom. "Send in the patient's fiancé," he told the receptionist before turning back to Kate. "Let's take a look at that baby now, shall we?"

She lay back as instructed, watching the door while the nurse finished prepping her; she could feel her face break into a grin when Jack entered the room a moment later, crouching at her side.

"Hey," he murmured, picking up her hand, bringing her knuckles to his lips.

"Hey," she echoed.

"How're we doing?" he asked as the doctor spread the gel onto her stomach and placed the wand against it. "Everything check out?"

"I think so," she agreed, giving his fingers an ecstatic squeeze when the sound of a heartbeat filled the room. She wished that they could get a DVD to take home and show off to all of their friends, but they didn't even have a VCR in either of their houses.

"Based on these measurements, I'm guessing gestational age is about twelve weeks, which puts your due date somewhere around late April, early May, 1978," the doctor told them once he'd had the chance to examine it.

She barely registered the weirdness of this. "Twelve weeks? Are you sure?" she insisted. If he was right, then that meant that she'd conceived the night before returning to the island, the night that she gave Aaron up.

Jack was focused on reading the image on the monitor, but he tore his eyes from it with a sharp look then.

"It could be a little more than that, I suppose…" the doctor allowed. "Thirteen weeks…"

The muscles in Jack's jaw clenched and she could see him was doing the math, trying to figure out if there was something that she wasn't telling him.

"I was thinking less – eight or nine weeks?" she explained, squeezing his fingers again to reassure him. It was about then that they'd fallen back into this arrangement where they weren't really living together, but they weren't living apart.

The doctor pointed to the screen. "See here? How everything is becoming distinct? Arms, legs, neck, head…" He circled each appendage on the monitor; she pushed herself up onto her elbows, and together, as one, they leaned forward to get a closer look. "That's more consistent with the end of the first trimester."

The trapped feeling that she'd had since she'd first began to suspect that she might be pregnant returned until she glanced over at Jack, watching him watch their baby, his eyes glistening, his mouth open in awe.

Her entire adult life, all she'd ever wanted was to be a mother, and to have a family of her own; just when she'd thought that dream was lost to her forever, it seemed as though someone had finally seen fit to give her another chance.

"Can you tell what it is yet?" she asked. While she was pretty sure from the way he kept referring to it as 'her' that Jack had his heart set on it being a girl, she would have been just as happy with another boy as long as he was really _hers_.

"I could probably give you an estimate at your next appointment," the doctor told her, "and then you can get to work on those booties."

On her other side, Jack snickered.

"What?" she insisted with a self-conscious grin.

He shook his head. "Nothing, it's just… When was the last time you knitted anything?"

When she'd asked Amy where she got Ethan's clothes, she remembered her telling her proudly that she sewed them all herself. "Is that a challenge?" she teased him.

* * *

I had fun writing this chapter -- they had some pretty crazy ideas about pregnancy and childbirth back in the seventies.

Next chapter: Jack decides it's time to change health care providers... ;)


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for the reviews. I know you're waiting on an update of Brother's Keeper, and I assure you that it's coming, but as usual, I'm struggling with the fluff (which lets face it, is basically all that fic is). In the mean time, you'll just have to make do with this. Also, before anyone else suggests it, Kate is _not_ going to give birth to herself, because that would make Jack her father and I'd really rather not go there. ;)

* * *

Chapter 6.

"I don't like him," Jack announced as soon as the door closed behind them, leaving them alone on the porch.

Kate knew him well enough by now to recognise that tone: he was obsessing. "Jack." Sure some of the doctor's ideas were a little backwards, but for now, she was just grateful hearing that their baby was healthy after everything her body had been through since leaving L.A.

"What was he thinking, telling you you could've stayed at the motor pool?" he seethed, thundering down the steps into the courtyard.

She took them at a more measured pace to avoid tripping as she scurried along in his wake. "Would you just slow down?" she complained, struggling to keep up with his lengthy strides, but he didn't seem to hear her.

"Does he even know that consistent exposure to exhaust fumes can inhibit foetal growth?" he continued, making it difficult to tell if it was the doctor or the father in him that he was channelling. "_Any_ kind of fumes," he amended, as if this part wasn't obvious, even to her. "There're studies that show it can reduce abdominal circumference, thighbone length, biparietal diameter – the baby could've been born with a small head or liver damage… And don't even get me started on the rest of what he said…" He shook his head in disgust.

"It's not like he suggested I take up smoking," she insisted, even though he might as well have for all the discouragement he'd given her. "Anyway, it doesn't matter, because I'm not going to _do_ any of those things."

"That's not the point, Kate," he argued, rounding on her without warning so that she almost ran into his chest. "If he was wrong about that, what else is he wrong about?" He shook his head again, his jaw locking with determination. "I'm not taking that chance – with you, _or_ our baby. I want a second opinion."

She should have known that this wasn't something that he could just let go. She sighed. "We're on an island in the middle of nowhere," she pointed out, in case this fact had slipped his mind. Where did he think they were going to go? It wasn't like they could get a referral.

"He's not the only person here with a medical degree," he reminded her.

Of course that was what he was getting at: he wanted to do more than sit on the sidelines and wait for her to give birth. "I know you hate being shut out of this, Jack," she told him, trying to be as gentle as she could, "but how much do you really know about pregnancy?" He wasn't a specialist: if something went wrong, would he be able to handle it?

"Not me – _Juliet_," he corrected her. "You said it yourself – she used to do this for a living."

"Used to, Jack," she repeated. "She's retired now." Whatever happened to keeping a low profile?

"She delivered Amy's baby," he insisted. "Why can't she deliver ours?"

Despite his more relaxed attitude to life, when it came to the people he cared about, he was as stubborn as ever. "All we can do is ask her," she told him, even though she still wasn't sure that Juliet would agree.

* * *

That night he was quieter than usual, combing his fingers through her hair in absent strokes as she lay with her head in his lap, pouring over the brochures the doctor had given her. They were full of black and white pictures of women with bangs and feathered hairstyles, dressed in unflattering smocks and oversized shirts that made her long for the maternity clothes that she'd seen in the stores back home.

"I wonder if the Dharma Initiative offers Lamaze classes," she mused, hoping that it would lighten the atmosphere between them, but he didn't even crack a smile, studying her with a distracted expression as though he were trying to figure something out.

"What?" she insisted when he opened his mouth and then closed it again, picking up one on nutrition. It was a lot shorter than she would have expected: just two double-sided pages; according to what she'd read earlier, there weren't many foods that she needed to avoid, including caffeine, which it claimed was unlikely to be harmful.

"Did you see anyone else? When we were apart?" he asked her after a moment. "It's okay if you did, I just… need to know."

She could tell from the way his voice wavered that he wasn't convinced of his words. "Is that what this is about?" she checked, sitting up, stunned by his question until she remembered her conversation with the doctor during her ultrasound. There was no way that he could understand why she was so reluctant to agree to the date of conception when they both knew that it was more than possible; it seemed that the only sense he could make of it was that she thought the baby might not be his.

She caught his hand where it had fallen back against the couch, taking it in both of hers. "I haven't been with another man in three years," she assured him, holding his gaze so he would know that for once, she wasn't lying to him. Not about that. "This baby is yours, Jack – I swear to you."

For a moment, she was afraid that he wouldn't accept this. "Then why does it feel like it isn't?" he insisted, stroking the back of her palm with his thumb.

It was a long time since she'd heard him sound this defeated; it was such a contrast to his outrage hours earlier. "What's going on?" she pressed, confused by his about turn. "This morning you couldn't wait to see it…"

"You saw the way he looked at me when I said I was your fiancé," he replied, staring straight ahead to avoid making eye contact with her, his voice low and unhappy. "As far as he was concerned, I shouldn't be there." He let out a bitter laugh. "I'm not your husband, so I don't have any rights – I'm just the guy who knocked you up."

His words struck a nerve with her; she was sure that he must have seen the pain in her expression at hearing it put into such crude terms. "What about you?" she asked him. "Do you really think that's true? That that's all you are?"

She should be asking herself the same question. What if she hadn't been able to forgive him, for stripping away her perfect life, first by leaving her, and then by making her give up her son? Would she still want him involved? Or would she be glad for the excuse to distance herself from him?

What if Sawyer was wrong, and the only reason she'd gone to him was because he was convenient? Because she knew that he wouldn't resist?

"You tell me," he said, breaking into her thoughts; she started, eyeing him with a fearful glance until she remembered that they were still talking about him.

"This is ridiculous, Jack," she insisted. "Of course you have rights." She shifted their hands to her belly, allowing him to feel the almost imperceptible bump pushing against the waistband of her jeans. So far, only a handful of people knew that she was pregnant, but in a few weeks that would change; as of a few days ago, she'd taken to leaving the top button undone to accommodate the extra weight. "I don't care what anyone says – this baby is as much yours as it is mine," she assured him.

He nodded, forcing a weak smile for her as he gave it an affectionate rub, but he didn't look any less miserable.

"Hey," she murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the side of his jaw. "What do I have to do to convince you that you're part of this family?"

"Marry me," he blurted out.

At first, she wasn't sure that she'd heard him right. "We already did this, Jack – _twice_," she reminded him with a wry grin,_ "_and both times I said that I would."

"I'm not talking about eventually, Kate," he corrected her. "I'm saying we should get married now. _Tonight_…"

* * *

Next chapter: A (shotgun) wedding? ;)


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks for the reviews. I'm remembering why I hate this multiple fics thing: I know you all have your favourites, and I'll get to them _all _eventually but right now I'm doing my best to be fair to everyone (I _am_ only one person) so you'll just have to bear with me. I haven't decided what the next update will be: I want to say _Brother's Keeper_ but it really depends on what I feel most inspired to write. I'm not gonna bribe anyone but I would really love to make it to 100 with this chapter... ;)

* * *

Chapter 7.

"There must be someone here who can do it," Jack rushed on, standing up to pace the length of the couch.

It was all happening so fast. _Too_ fast. They hadn't even set a date and now he wanted to get married? "Do you really think a piece of paper is gonna change anything between us?" Kate insisted. She couldn't help the note of scepticism that crept into her voice as she added, "Between now and morning?"

"No, I don't," he agreed with a stubborn expression, "but it will as far as everyone else is concerned."

"Since when do you care what anyone thinks of us?" she complained in what she was sure must be an exasperated tone. It wasn't like him to worry so much over something like that.

She expected his temper to flare up then but he sank back onto the cushion beside her. "It's different for you, Kate. You're the one who's pregnant," he reminded her. "People feel sorry for you. They look at me like…" He closed his eyes, expelling a heavy sigh, and she knew that whatever he was trying to say must be hard for him to get out "…like I'm the kind of guy who isn't man enough to get it together and take responsibility for the situation."

She could feel her frustration with him melt away in a rush of sympathy. It was just another reason for her to feel guilty for putting him in that position in the first place. Of course back then she had no idea that any of this was going to happen. "Jack…" She placed a comforting hand on his bicep but he shook it off.

"I don't think you understand, Kate," he told her, his voice low and grave as he dropped his head into his palms. "I can deal with being just a workman, I can deal with _Sawyer_—" He let out a self-deprecating laugh as if he was still having trouble believing it "—being in charge… What I can't deal with is knowing they all think I don't have what it takes to do the right thing by my family." He glanced up at her, his dark eyes pleading with hers not to fight him on this. "This way we can demand our own house, you can give up work if you want to and just focus on the baby – we can start building a life here."

He had a point there. She was tired of sneaking around – of leaving his place before dawn so no one knew that she'd spent the night – and of feeling like they were doing something shameful when they _weren't_ trying to hide the fact that they were sleeping together.

He'd given her what she needed at a time when her world was falling apart – even if he hadn't been aware that he was doing it – how could she refuse him this one thing when it was so important to him? "If we do this – if we get married – then will you stop?" she asked him.

"Stop what?" he insisted, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Stop questioning me, stop acting like you don't believe me when I say I love you…" Maybe Sawyer was right and it wasn't important how they got here, just that they were here now. "Can we just forget the past and start over?"

He smiled. "Okay," he agreed, lighting up for the first time since they'd left the doctor's office.

"Okay," she echoed, breaking into a grin of her own as a bubble of excitement rose up inside her. If everything went according to plan, by the time they went to bed that night, she would be Jack's wife. The thought was almost too good to be true. "Then let's get married."

She offered him her hand and he allowed her to pull him up off the couch. "But we're still asking Juliet to be our doctor," he argued with a stubborn frown as he followed her out onto the porch.

She rolled her eyes in response, but she couldn't help the jubilant laugh that burst from her lips as he wrapped his arm around her waist, drawing her into side.

"I don't trust that guy."

* * *

He didn't let go of her until they were climbing the wooden steps leading up to Horace and Amy's front door, flashing her a nervous smile as he raised his fist to knock.

"Jack, Kate," Horace greeted them, when he opened it, glancing from one to the other. "What can I do for you?"

"You can help us get married," Jack explained.

It couldn't at all have been what he was expecting because he looked taken aback. "Come in," he told them, waving them through into the living room where Amy was folding laundry. "Take a seat."

They sat down on the sofa together while he perched in the armchair adjacent to them.

"I'll go put on some coffee," Amy announced, setting aside a pile of cloth diapers and excusing herself from the room; it was with a mounting sense of dread that Kate realised she had no idea how to pin them. All of her experience had been with the disposable kind: what if she got it wrong and stabbed the baby? She'd never had to worry about that with Aaron…

"First of all, my congratulations to you both," Horace said, drawing her out of her thoughts once they were all settled.

Jack picked up Kate's hand. "Thanks," he agreed, speaking on behalf of both of them.

"Now, when were you thinking of holding the ceremony?" Horace asked them. He consulted the diary tucked into the breast pocket of his jumpsuit. "We can probably arrange something—"

"Tonight, if possible," Jack confessed before he could finish.

Horace's mouth opened in surprise. "That soon?" He turned to Kate as his wife returned from the kitchen with four mugs on a tray. "Amy tells me you're pregnant, Kate?"

Just the smell of the coffee turned Kate's stomach; she pushed the cup Amy placed in front of her away with a polite grimace.

"Do you mind if I ask how far along you are?"

She shook her head even though she had a feeling that she knew where he was going with this new line of questioning. "Twelve weeks. I'm due at the end of next fall," she explained. It was still hard to believe that in just six short months, she would finally have a child of her own; a family, just like she'd been dreaming of ever since the day her father moved out.

Almost as if he sensed what she was thinking, Jack beamed at her, squeezing her hand in his.

Horace nodded. "That would've been my guess," he agreed. "I understand your impatience, but marriage is a very serious commitment – not something to be entered into on a whim. Surely you can afford to wait another month or two? It _is_ 1977 after all."

Jack changed positions beside her; when she snuck a sidelong glance at him she could see that he was growing frustrated with the Dharma leader's well-intentioned interference in their relationship. "We appreciate your concern, Horace, but Kate and I have discussed this and this is what we want," he insisted, his voice terse with suppressed hostility.

Horace shifted his attention back to her. "Kate?"

"I know three months probably doesn't seem like long enough to you, but it feels like three _years_ to us," she agreed, the corners of her mouth curling into an ironic smile to match the one her words elicited from Jack. "Right, honey?"

She tore her gaze from him in time to watch Horace glance over at his wife, nodding in agreement. "Do you have a witness in mind?" he checked.

They exchanged wary looks. Would he refuse to help them if they admitted that they hadn't considered any of the logistical details? "Do we need one?" Kate asked. She wasn't even sure who they could ask with without it becoming weird. Hurley, maybe, but he'd taken off with Miles after dinner to give them some space.

"Amy? Would you do the honours?" Horace asked her.

She smiled at them. "It would be my pleasure," she agreed.

"_You're_ performing the ceremony?" Kate asked him. She'd figured he would just tell them where to go.

"Unless you'd rather we brought someone over from the mainland – a priest or a rabbi…" he offered, but Jack shook his head.

"Just as long as it's legal," he insisted.

"I assure you, Jack, that won't be a problem," Horace agreed as he pushed himself up from his chair. "I'll lodge the paperwork first thing in the morning. Now if you could just stand over there—" He pointed to a spot at one end of the rug "—And, Kate—" He steered her into position opposite Jack so that they were facing one another "—We can begin."

"Just a minute." Amy plucked a bunch of flowers from a vase on one of the side tables and thrust them into Kate's hands. "Here, take these," she told her. She took a step back, surveying the scene with an appraising eye. "Beautiful."

Kate cast her eyes over her faded jeans as Horace cleared his throat. There was a hole in one knee and the hems were frayed. They weren't exactly traditional, but at least the blouse she'd chosen that morning was white.

Jack was in such a hurry to get it over and done with that he was still in his jumpsuit. She wished that they'd thought to borrow some nicer clothes from Sawyer and Juliet, but it was too late for that now. They would just have to make do with what they were already wearing.

"We are gathered here today in the presence of this witness to join Jack and Kate together in matrimony," Horace announced, even thought it was only the four of them in the room. "I'm going to start with a short reading from the Bible – I Corinthians 13:1-13…"

As she listened to him speak about love, Kate could feel herself tearing up. She blinked hard to reign in her emotions. It was all so surreal; she hadn't expected something so simple and impersonal to affect her as much as it was.

"Hey, I know this isn't how you pictured our wedding day…" Jack whispered, catching her hands in both of his; she could see that he was afraid he'd upset her by pressuring her into settling for less than she deserved.

She shook her head before he could convince himself that none of this was good enough for her. "It's fine, Jack," she assured him. When he first proposed to her at home in L.A., she'd dreamt of marrying him in a church, surrounded by family and friends, but the only thing that mattered to her now was that she loved him and he loved her and that the three of them were going to be a family, for real this time. Instead of wiping them away, she allowed the tears to spill over onto her cheeks. "It's perfect."

He broke into a watery grin of his own that was half elation, half relief.

"…'Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres'." Horace closed the Bible and held it out for Amy to take. "Kate, if you could repeat after me…"

"I, Kate, take you, Jack, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward," she promised, "for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward, until death do us part."

"Now you, Jack…"

"I, Jack, take you, Kate, to be my wife..." he repeated, his eyes never leaving hers.

"We're going to need a ring," Horace announced once they'd finished saying their vows. Watching him scan the room with a thoughtful expression, Kate wished that she still had the one Jack had given her, but the chain she was wearing it on broke when they flashed back to the seventies. It was probably at the bottom of the lagoon where they'd landed by now.

Amy tugged the gold band from her finger, pressing it into her husband's palm. "Use this," she told him.

He handed it to Jack and he slid it onto Kate's finger. "I, Jack, give you, Kate, this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you," he recited as he eased it over her knuckle.

She did the same with Horace's when he passed it to her, slipping it onto Jack's left hand. It was loose, just like hers, but it worked as a substitute, until they could get rings of their own. "I, Kate, give you, Jack..." she repeated.

And then it was done. "I now pronounce you husband and wife," Horace declared. He smiled at Jack. "You may kiss the bride."

She inched closer to him, self-conscious as she waited for him to make the first move, but then his mouth was on hers and they were both laughing as he tilted her back over his arm, kissing her like they were the only two people in the room.

* * *

Next chapter(s): The Shephard family gets a new home and a dinner party... ;)


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for the reviews. Just a warning while I remember: the next few weeks are going to be very hectic for me (I'm moving house, entertaining relatives, going overseas etc) so updates may be erratic until mid August. I will _try_ to get new chapters of _Destiny_ and _Brother's Keeper_ up when I can, but if you don't hear from me in a while, that's why. ;)

* * *

Chapter 8.

"Careful," Jack said, holding onto Kate's arm to steady her. "Watch your step." He nudged her heel with the toe of his boot to show her where to set her foot down.

"Where're we going?" she asked, turning her face towards the sound of his voice as she fumbled for the rail with her free hand.

He'd been acting mysterious ever since he came to collect her from the office; she could hear his smile as he answered, "You'll see."

She did her best to follow his instructions while he guided her through the rest of the climb, relieved when she felt the ground level out beneath them and he pulled her to a stop.

"Okay." He removed his fingers from her eyes. "You can open them."

They were standing on a white wooden porch, identical to the one they'd just left; if she didn't know any better, she might have believed that they'd been walking in circles and were now right back where they started. "It's a house," she said, confused as to what it was that she was supposed to be looking at.

She could see that it wasn't the reaction he was hoping for. "Not just _any_ house…" he told her. He produced a set of keys from the pocket of his jumpsuit, dangling them in front of her until realisation dawned on her.

"You mean this is _ours_?" she checked, her words coming out in an awed whisper. The thought of having a place of their own where they could just be together was almost too good to be true.

He nodded. "No more sneaking around," he agreed. "From now on we're just like Horace and Amy and Sawyer and Juliet…"

She didn't know what to say so she decided to start with the obvious. "How did you…?" She trailed off, eyeing the little house again in amazement. "I thought we'd have to wait until someone moved out."

"I just talked to Horace and he made the arrangements," he explained. He flashed her an inviting grin as he fit a key into the lock and turned, allowing the door to swing inwards. "Would you like me to give you the tour?"

"Do you even have to ask?" she agreed, but he caught her wrist when she moved to go inside.

"Wait. We have to do this right," he insisted, bending to slide his hand under her knees. Before she could argue with him, he had scooped her up bridal style against his chest. "Jesus, Kate," he teased her with a theatrical groan when she shifted until she found a more comfortable position, letting her head fall on his shoulder and securing her own arms around his neck. "Are we sure it's not twins?"

"Just so we're clear, are you calling me 'fat'?" she retorted, narrowing her eyes at him as he manoeuvred them over the threshold.

"Never," he assured her, the corners of his lips twitching with amusement as he placed a conciliatory kiss on hers.

The interior was furnished with a teak dining room set, a thick-armed sofa and two armchairs the colour of oatmeal.

"Wow. This place is like a museum," Kate remarked, wrinkling her nose in disdain as she picked up one of the orange, brown and white throw pillows. She wondered if whoever made them knew how ugly they were. "What were these people thinking?" Everywhere she turned her eyes were assaulted by the same autumn colour scheme, with only the occasional splash of green to break it up.

"You're right. We should definitely fire our decorator," Jack teased her, coming up behind her. He pressed his lips against the skin exposed by the open collar of her shirt. "Come on. It gets better."

She followed him into the hall that led through to the rest of the house. "Bathroom," he announced, opening the door closest to the kitchen.

The second door revealed a double bed covered by a plain white comforter. On either side was a set of matching teak dressers and the most hideous lamps that she'd ever seen. "Our room," he told her with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows.

"Our room," she echoed.

His brow furrowed into a serious frown. "You're not having second thoughts, are you?" he checked. "I know it was sudden—"

She shook her head. "No. Nothing like that," she assured him. "It's just that even when we were living together, it was always 'my place' or 'your place'." She smiled, swallowing against the hard lump forming in her throat. "We never really had an 'our place' before."

"Well, we were never married before," he agreed, his own expression softening into a grin as he stooped to kiss her.

"You haven't seen the best part," he told her, breaking it after a moment. He picked up her hand, pulling her across the hall to the last door.

At first glance it appeared to be an oversized closet, until she noticed the alphabet border that circled the top of the pale yellow walls. Beside each letter was a baby animal: ducklings and bunnies and sheep…

"Eventually this is gonna be Pamela's room – or maybe Donald's, if it's a boy," Jack explained, his tone changing to one of innocence when she turned back to him with a sharp look. "What? I'm just putting them out there."

"You're kidding, right?" she insisted, incredulous at the thought that he would even consider the latter… or the former, for that matter. "Please tell me you don't really want to name our son '_Donald_'?" Donald Shephard. Donnie Shephard. She shuddered. It might be all right for 1977…

He pursed his lips into a thin line, feigning disappointment. At least she hoped, for his sake, that he was faking it. "You don't like it?"

"It's not that," she told him, trying to be diplomatic as she eased herself into the rocking chair beneath the window. She pushed off with her heels, testing it out, smiling at the image of herself feeding their baby there. "I just figured we'd go with something a little more… timeless… you know? Something that wouldn't be out of place in 2007."

"Are you sure?" he teased her, "I hear Donald is very popular at the moment…" and she couldn't help but laugh.

"Where did you hear that?" She folded her hands over her small bump, settling back in the chair as it swung back and forth.

"_Ladies' Home Journal_. They had a bunch of them in the waiting room at the clinic," he explained. He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Apparently Twiggy just got married too."

"_Twiggy_?" she repeated, suppressing a giggle, but he just shrugged.

"I was two and a half when the sixties ended – it was before my time as well."

She went back to inspecting the nursery: aside from the chair that she now occupied, there was a small dresser and changing table, but no other furniture. "There's no crib," she observed. She hadn't noticed one in the bedroom either. Surely he hadn't forgotten such an important detail?

"The Lewises offered to give us theirs, but I had a better idea," he told her, pausing for emphasis before he announced, "I'm gonna build one." He opened the top drawer of the little wooden dresser and took out a folded sheet. "Here, I'll show you the plans."

As she took it from him, studying the maze of black lines, she wondered if he even knew how to read them. He was a doctor, not a builder; she'd never seen him assemble anything that hadn't come straight out of a box.

"We have all the tools in the shed," he continued, his face flushed with excitement. "Horace said I can borrow whatever I need."

"That's sweet, but do you know how quickly she's gonna outgrow it?" she protested. Between sleeping in a bassinette in their room and moving into a toddler bed they'd be lucky if they got more than a year's use out of it. "We should just take the Lewises'. She's a baby – it's not like she'll even know the difference."

But she could see that his mind was made up. "I only work half the day, Kate – what else am I gonna do with my time?"

He took the plans back from her and deposited them on the dresser so that he could be sure he had her full attention. "You and this baby are the most important thing in the world to me now," he told her and she realised that it wasn't about the crib at all: it was about him and his relentless need to prove to himself that he could be a better husband and father than his own father. "My first marriage fell apart because I was never home, and when I _was_, I was always tired and stressed. I wasn't there for her, so she turned to someone who was. I'm not gonna make that mistake again with you."

He let out a soft laugh, the corners of his mouth forming a lopsided grin. "I'm gonna be around so much both of you will be sick of me," he promised.

"Jack…" she began, not sure how to convince him that he was already a better man than his father for kicking his addictions and devoting himself to her and their child.

He removed a yellow envelope from the back pocket of his jumpsuit. "I almost forgot." He smoothed it out and peeled back the flap, shaking two thin gold bands into his palm. "This is yours," he told her, kneeling in front of her so that he could slide it onto her finger. "I'm sorry it's a little late."

"Thank you," she whispered, fighting back tears as she lifted her hand to admire it. Maybe it was all the pregnancy hormones coursing through her blood, or maybe it was just that for the first time in her life, everything was perfect. It was almost a week since she'd thought about Aaron, but now that she did, it was with a distant ache that she knew she could live with, not the searing pain that she'd felt when she closed the door to that motel room.

She took the other ring from Jack and put it on his hand. "I love you," she told him without letting go, and his face split into a grin as he wrapped her up in a tight hug.

"I love you too," he murmured into her hair.

* * *

Next chapter: Dinner with Suliet... ;)


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks for the reviews. (108! How awesome is that?!) So much for the poll! As usual, all of the options were pretty evenly matched so I thought it was about time I updated this fic, before people forgot it existed. I never intended for it to be very long, so it will probably end by about chapter 20, depending on how long it takes to wrap up the story. I'll try to post a new chapter of Destiny this week as well and maybe a summary for the new AU I'm planning. ;)

* * *

Chapter 9.

Kate was alone in the office when Juliet pushed through the glass door, still wearing her oil-stained jumpsuit. She felt the familiar clench in the pit of her stomach as the breeze carried the scent to her nostrils, but for the first time since she'd quit her assignment at the motor pool, she didn't have the urge to be sick. It was over a week since she'd failed to keep anything down, which meant that she'd put on at least another half pound since her first – and hopefully last – doctor's appointment; at this rate, she wasn't going to have any trouble catching up to what he believed was a reasonable weight for a woman in her second trimester.

"Where's Amy?" Juliet asked when she noticed Kate sitting at what was usually her desk. "Did she go out back?"

Kate shook her head. "Ethan had a fever so she took him home." He'd been fussy for the better part of the morning, refusing to eat or go back to sleep; Amy was worried about him passing a bug on to Kate.

"That's probably best under the circumstances," Juliet agreed, "but if she does come back, tell her I'll stop by later to see how he's doing."

"Was that all?" Kate checked, wondering if there was a purpose to her visit beyond calling in on Amy and Ethan.

"No, I wanted to order some parts, for the motor pool," she explained.

Kate dug through the clutter on Amy's desk until she located the order pad, buried beneath a stack of papers. Even with her there as her assistant, Horace's wife had fallen behind in the months since their son was born. Kate was glad that that wasn't going to be an issue for her or Jack; that they would just be able to spend time together with their baby without having to think about anything else.

"Tie rod ends," Juliet elaborated when Kate opened the phone book-sized catalogue, glancing up at her expectantly.

Kate flipped through the pages until she found what she wanted. "They have to get them in from Japan, so it's gonna take at least a month – maybe two," she read, lifting her gaze back up to Juliet's with a frown. "Is that okay?" She would have to remember to start making a list of things they still needed to get for the baby or else he or she would probably beat it.

"It's not urgent," Juliet assured her, and Kate began to copy the information into the blank spaces on the form.

"What about you?" Juliet asked her while she waited for her to finish. "How've you been feeling?"

"Good." Kate smiled to herself as she continued writing. "My morning sickness is finally gone. Of course I still have to pee all the time," she confessed and Juliet laughed. She signed her new name and tore the pages out of the pad with a flourish. "I was _sure_ that didn't happen until later. I mean right now it's the size of a goldfish."

"That's hormonal, so no, not always," Juliet told her, and not for the first time, Kate was impressed by her wealth of knowledge on the subject.

"You know a lot about this, don't you?" It made her wish that she'd read more, back when she'd had the chance. She'd already given up on the books Amy had loaned her.

"Well I wasn't always a mechanic," Juliet reminded her.

"Really?" Kate teased her, handing her one of the copies.

"So I hear you and Jack have a new place," Juliet said, steering the conversation away from herself as she folded it into a neat square and tucked it into her back pocket. "Congratulations."

Kate thought about asking her how, but she figured it was all over the "coconut Internet"— as Sawyer had dubbed it – by now. "Thanks." It was true that life was pretty good for them at the moment, except for one small detail.

As she watched Juliet turn to leave, an idea occurred to her. "Listen, I know it's short notice, but would you and Saw—_Jim_," she corrected herself, glad that no one else was around, "like to come over for a sort of housewarming dinner tonight?"

Juliet hesitated for a moment, weighing up the pros and cons of accepting the invitation, Kate guessed, then just when she was sure she was going to decline, she smiled. "Sure," she agreed. "Why not?"

* * *

"What's the occasion?" Jack asked, dropping a kiss to the side of Kate's neck, her shoulder and finally, her lips, as she stood at the sink later that afternoon, peeling carrots to go with the chicken she'd just seasoned and put in the oven.

She let him turn her around, cupping the back of his head with her wrists while she greeted him with a long, leisurely kiss. "I invited Sawyer and Juliet over for dinner," she told him, wiping her wet hands on her apron when they pulled back. She had already changed from her work clothes into a loose green top and dark bellbottom jeans.

"Sawyer? And Juliet?" he repeated, his expression turning from one of surprise to scepticism. "Like a double date?"

He looked so wary all of a sudden that she wanted to laugh. "Not exactly," she admitted. "You still want her to be our doctor, right?"

His eyes drifted down to her belly and he smiled. "Of course," he agreed. "I want you and our baby to have the best."

She fixed him with a devilish grin, which he slowly returned as comprehension dawned on him. "So then this is our chance to ask."

* * *

The doorbell rang just before seven and Jack went to answer it while Kate finished setting the table.

"I didn't have time to cook anything so I brought dinner rolls," Juliet told her, flashing her an apologetic smile when she joined the three of them in the hall. She offered Kate the basket she was holding. "Here."

At the same time, Sawyer thrust a thin, tissue-wrapped package into Jack's hands. "This is for both of you. Sort of a housewarmin' gift," he explained with shrug. "Jules picked it out."

"You didn't have to do that," Jack said, addressing the comment to her, but he accepted it anyway, unwrapping it carefully to reveal a small, wooden picture frame.

"We thought it might come in handy," Juliet told them. "You can use it for the baby's first picture."

"That's sweet," Kate agreed, touched. She waved them through with her free hand. "Come in. Make yourselves at home."

Taking his cue from her, Jack led the way to the living room, laying the frame on the coffee table and settling himself in his favourite armchair.

"I love what you've done with the place," Sawyer drawled, looking around him at the standard Dharma-issue furnishings, almost identical to those in his and Juliet's house.

"I know. Very retro," Kate agreed with a laugh.

"Would you like something to drink?" she asked as he took a seat next to Juliet on the couch. She moved over to the kitchen, setting the basket on the counter and yanking open the refrigerator. "Horace brought over some champagne but neither of us can drink it."

"That's right," Sawyer chimed in, turning to Jack with a smirk. "I forgot old Jacko used to get soused."

At the mention of his former habits, Jack dropped his head into his hands. "Can we please talk about something else?" he complained, massaging his brow.

"Maybe we should just tell them our news?" Kate suggested, coming to his aid. She popped the cork on the bottle and filled a glass each for Sawyer and Juliet.

"Lemme guess. You're pregnant too?" Sawyer teased Jack when Kate placed a glass of sparkling cider in front of him instead.

Juliet slapped him lightly on the bicep. "_James_," she hissed, "Be nice," but Kate could see that she was trying hard not to laugh.

Sawyer shot her a mock disgruntled look. "Fine." He turned back to Kate. "Continue."

"Jack and I got married," she blurted out, wondering afterwards if she should have let him do the honours.

Juliet's eyes widened visibly. "When? How?"

Kate could still hardly believe it herself. If she'd known it would be that easy, she would have suggested they elope back in L.A. when they'd first gotten engaged. "About a week ago. Horace performed the ceremony," she explained, answering both of her questions to avoid looking at Sawyer, who was sizing her up with one of his piercing stares. She'd never been as good at reading him as he was at reading her.

"That's great," Juliet told them, getting up to embrace Jack. "I'm so happy for you both."

Sawyer stepped forward to shake his hand while Juliet moved on to Kate, but Kate could still feel his eyes on her as he said, "Looks like you two've had a busy coupla days."

* * *

Kate wasn't sure how to broach the request so she was relieved when Jack decided to take charge. "There's no easy way to do this, so I'm just gonna come right out and say it. We didn't invite you here tonight for a housewarming dinner," he announced at the end of what had otherwise been an uneventful meal.

Juliet patted her mouth with her napkin, looking apprehensive as she waited for him to go on.

Sawyer put down his fork. "What _did_ you invite us for?" he pressed, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

"We need to ask you a favour," Kate jumped in.

"You got a roof over your heads and you clearly didn't have any trouble putting together this here spread, so this can't be about money," Sawyer observed.

"It's not," Jack assured him. Sawyer was right: the Dharma Initiative provided them all with everything that they needed. "It's about Juliet, actually."

All eyes turned to her as she began coughing. She gulped down a mouthful of champagne. "Me?" she repeated once the attack had passed, looking at Jack as if to say, 'What did I do?'.

"We want you to deliver our baby," he explained.

Kate could tell from her expression that this was exactly what she was afraid of. She shook her head slowly. "That's not who I am anymore," she reminded them. "Amy – that was an emergency."

"I know," Jack agreed, treading carefully now, "and believe me, we wouldn't even be suggesting it if we weren't desperate. The doctor here—"

"You heard the lady. She said no," Sawyer growled, pushing back his chair. "C'mon, Juliet – let's go."

"Thank you, James, but I can speak for myself," she told him curtly, without making a move to follow.

Jack ignored him, his attention still focused on Juliet. "Please, Juliet," he insisted in a soft voice, appealing to her not as a doctor, but a friend. "You're the only one I trust."

Juliet's hard look softened into one of resignation. "I will give you an exam to make sure everything is okay," she told Kate, "but if anything about this pregnancy isn't textbook, I'm handing you over to someone who still has a medical licence. Do we have a deal?"

It wasn't the response they were hoping for, but it was a start. "We have a deal," Kate agreed before Jack could argue. They would just have to cross that bridge if and when they came to it.

Juliet nodded, apparently satisfied that they weren't going to try to re-negotiate her terms. "Now you have to tell me what you did with this chicken," she said, returning to normal dinnertime conversation. "It's amazing."

* * *

Afterwards, Kate excused herself while Jack gathered up the plates.

She wasn't aware that Sawyer had followed her until she felt a hand close over her wrist. "What're you doin'?" he asked, pulling her around to face him.

He'd been acting weird ever since he learned that she and Jack were married. If she didn't know any better, she'd guess that he was jealous, but from what she'd seen and what he'd told her, he was in love with Juliet and comfortable with his choice. "What d'you mean, 'What'm I doin'?'?" she complained, a little too loudly. She glanced past his shoulder, to the kitchen. Jack was there with Juliet, talking about her, no doubt. Or her uterus. "I'm going to the bathroom. In case you've forgotten, there's a _human being _pressing into my bladder," she added to remind him that no matter what had happened between them in the past, she was carrying Jack's child. Her husband's child. She wasn't going to leave him if he'd suddenly changed his mind after all this time and decided that he wanted her back.

"That ain't what I'm talkin' about, Kate, and you know it," he hissed, letting go of her. "What're you doin' with Jack? A coupla weeks ago you were cryin' in the middle of the night because you were scared he'd find out what you did and now you're _married_ to him?!"

So that was it. This wasn't about them: it was about Jack. She couldn't help being taken aback by his about turn. He was supposed to be on her side. "You were the one who told me not to tell him," she accused. In fact, he'd warned her against it. "You said it would only ruin things."

"I didn't say you should go out and marry the guy first chance you got either," he argued. "What happened to not wantin' to base your relationship on a lie?"

"I married him because he asked me," she told him. He thought the only reason she'd accepted Jack's proposal was because she felt guilty, because she was scared of losing him, and maybe he was right: at least in part. It wasn't like it had been her idea. She would have been content just living with him and their baby, like they had with Aaron. "Because it's what he wanted. You don't think he should get what he wants?" She touched her belly gently as she felt that old sense of dread settle over her again. "I did."

He stared at her for a long moment. "You say you believe that, but we both know that's the _real_ lie," he insisted. "You won't be happy 'till he knows the truth…"

* * *

Next chapter(s): Juliet's exam and some domestic fluff...

Btw, just another quick poll: I would like to know if people think Jack and Kate should stay on the island in the seventies with their baby, or in their own time, or take him/her home with them to LA.


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks for the reviews. For some reason the controls are all weird on my end so I wasn't able to update until now. Just so you know, I am working on an update for Destiny but it's turning out to be one of the most complicated fics that I've ever written. Hopefully I'll be able to post something soon though. ;)

* * *

Chapter 10.

"Don't make me regret this," Sawyer griped for the umpteenth time, unlocking the door to the medical clinic a few nights later. To Juliet, he added, "Whatever you're doin', do it fast."

The plan was for him to stand guard outside under the guise of carrying out his nightly patrol. That way he could distract anyone who came along. "Thank you, James," she said sweetly, with just the faintest trace of sarcasm, brushing his cheek with her lips as she passed. "We'll let you know as soon as we're done."

It wasn't until the three of them were safely inside the exam room that she switched on the overhead lights. "There are a few tests I won't be able to run, but from what I've been able to gather, all of the basic equipment is here," she told Jack, pushing a tray of surgical instruments out of their path. She shifted her attention to Kate, who stood just inside the door, awaiting instructions. "The first thing I want to do is a physical exam, to confirm your due date, so I'm going to ask you to lie down."

With Jack's help, Kate managed to manoeuvre herself up onto the exam table, lifting her shirt to reveal her protruding belly. She was amazed at how much it had grown in the weeks since they were last there; she'd finally been forced add an extra panel to the front of her jeans and they were still a little snug.

"Is that hurting it?" she asked, craning her neck to watch as Juliet felt her abdomen, mapping the size and shape of her uterus and of the tiny being inside.

"It might be a little uncomfortable, but the baby is protected by the amniotic sac," Juliet reminded her. "It's very safe." She unwound a measuring tape, checking the numbers against those recorded in Kate's file. "When did Dr Petrovsky say you were due?"

"Late April, early May," Jack answered for her from his place on the stool on her other side.

"I'm going to have to agree with him," Juliet said once she finished examining her. "Based on these measurements, I'd say you're about fifteen weeks along, give or take a few days… but then you already knew that."

Kate's first thought was that this was a not-so-subtle criticism directed at her, until she realised that she was just stating a fact. Regardless of her intentions, that was the only night within a three month window that she could have conceived. Jack was the one who'd told her that.

You said your morning sickness was gone and you're feeling pretty good," Juliet continued. "Have you experienced any spotting or bleeding?"

"Not since the first week." That was one of the best things about being pregnant on the island, though she was sure tampons must be among the necessities that the Dharma Initiative managed to supply its members with.

"Good," Juliet said. "Contractions?"

"No, just some cramping," Kate confessed.

Jack turned away from Juliet with a sharp look. "You never told me that," he complained, a wounded note in his tone, and Kate couldn't help but smile at the way his eyebrows knitted together in concern.

It was more discomfort than actual pain: no worse than when she was about to start her period. "Because I didn't want you to worry," she protested. He was so damn protective of her and the baby that she could never bring herself to fuel his imagination with minor complaints.

"Do you mind showing me where?" Juliet asked her.

Kate laid her palm against the underside of her small bump. "Just in my lower belly."

"That's okay, right?" Jack insisted, and Kate could almost see him running through the list of possibilities in his head. "It doesn't mean anything?"

"Lower abdominal cramping is very normal during the second trimester," Juliet assured them, the corners of her lips twitching with amusements. "It just means your body is changing to make room for the baby."

Kate tried not to think too hard about what she'd read in Amy's books, about her internal organs shifting. The image was unsettling, to say the least. "See?" she teased Jack. "It's very normal."

She was forced to lie still while Juliet collected a blood sample from the vein inside her arm, switching the syringe for a blood pressure cuff once it was sealed and labelled with her name.

Jack tensed visibly when she paused over the reading, frowning at it without speaking. "Is there something wrong?"

"Your blood pressure is unusually high for this early in a pregnancy," she agreed, addressing her words to Kate. "Have you been feeling particularly anxious lately? About work or the baby…?" There was no subtext to her question; as far as Kate could tell, she really didn't know. Ever since the night she spilled her secret to Sawyer, Kate had been under the impression that he had gone home and repeated the story to her, but it seemed that he hadn't.

She couldn't risk saying anything with Jack still in the room. "I don't think so," she lied. "Everything's fine." She smiled reassuringly at him. "Everything's great." And for the most part it was. They were happier now than they'd ever been, even when they first got together. She loved being married to him, the familiar routine of sitting down to dinner with him every evening and falling asleep with his arms around her each night. It was as close to perfect as her life had ever been.

She could see that he wasn't entirely convinced. "Are you sure?" he pressed. "Because I meant what I said, Kate – you can tell me anything."

She wanted to believe that he would take it all in stride, but there were some things that even he was incapable of understanding. She knew him well enough to know that once she admitted to having an ulterior motive for going to him that night, she would never be able to convince him that that wasn't all it was. He would think that she'd used him and he would be right. She lifted a hand to cup his cheek, stroking it with her thumb. "Absolutely," she agreed.

"This isn't about Aaron?" he checked, clearly misreading the situation.

All she had to do was say yes and he would let it go; she was saved from having to decide whether or not to lie to him again when Juliet interrupted. "There's no cause for panic at this stage, but I think we should keep an eye on it, just in case," she suggested. "Have you felt any movement?"

Once in a while, Kate became aware of an indistinct fluttering that she thought _might_ be her baby, but so far nothing that she was able to distinguish. Amy hadn't felt Ethan until well into her fifth month. She shook her head. "No. Should I?"

"Not necessarily," Juliet agreed kindly. "Some women don't feel anything until the end of their second trimester. But just in case, I'm going to do an ultrasound."

Jack picked Kate's hand up and held it while Juliet went about prepping her. Even though it was her second ultrasound, she couldn't help feeling nervous, especially after the complications she'd just hinted at: afraid that there wouldn't be a heartbeat this time, that she would find some abnormality that would bring their world crashing down, that she would lose this child too. With Aaron, he was always so conflicted; she was glad that he was able to share those fears and doubts with her now, as well as the joy of hearing Juliet announce, "One hundred and fifty beats per minute. Everything looks very healthy."

The first thing Kate noticed was that the baby was bigger and more person-like than the last time they saw it, with a neck and almost comically long limbs; she could just make out it sucking its thumb while it slept, floating in the amniotic fluid, unaware that three sets of eyes were observing it.

"Shouldn't it be somersaulting around in there?" Kate asked, disappointed that it wasn't going to put on more of a show for them. There was always next time, she supposed.

"Watch this," Juliet said, grinning. She probed Kate's belly gently with her index finger, and as they continued to focus on the monitor, Kate saw the baby start awake, its tiny foot flying out to kick her back.

While she felt sorry for it, having its slumber disturbed, she found herself laughing along with Jack and Juliet when the baby rolled over, turning its back on them as if it meant to ignore them.

"That was amazing," Jack enthused, giving Kate's hand an ecstatic squeeze. "You're telling me you didn't feel that?"

It was strange for her to think that the image on the screen was of what was happening inside her own body. "All I felt was Juliet poking me," she confessed.

"Well you should enjoy the peace while it lasts," Juliet told her. "Before you know it, it'll be kicking so hard it'll keep you both awake at night."

That didn't sound so bad. In fact, Kate was looking forward to it. "When will you be able to tell what it is?" she asked. She was getting tired of having to call it an 'it'.

"That depends on the baby's position," Juliet explained. "Provided I can get a clear shot, I could probably give you an indication today."

Kate turned her head towards Jack, to see what he thought and he nodded eagerly.

"Okay then," Juliet agreed, brightening, "let me take a look."

They waited impatiently while she hit a series of buttons, adjusting the controls. "I need you to turn on your side," she told Kate after circling her belly with the wand a few times, apparently without success.

She did as she instructed, and finally, she stopped, zooming in on what, to Kate, appeared to be a pair of grainy grey blobs. "There are the legs," she announced, leaning forward to squint at the image on the screen. "I don't see a penis…"

"So it's a girl?" Jack supplied, and as he glanced over at Kate with one of the biggest smiles she'd ever seen him give, pressing a soft kiss to the centre of her palm, she was secretly relieved. While she'd decided that she didn't mind what it was, as long as it belonged to her, he hadn't exactly made a secret of the fact that he was hoping for a baby daughter to worship, the way he worshipped her; knowing that she might be able to give him that made her feel less like what she'd done was a mistake. It wasn't how she'd pictured it happening, but did it really matter if the outcome was the same?

"I wish I could answer that with some degree of certainty," Juliet said as she switched off the machine and began wiping the gel from Kate's stomach, "but the picture isn't as clear as what I'm used to. Maybe in a couple of weeks…"

This did nothing to diminish Jack's happiness. "Does that mean you've decided?" he insisted. "You'll keep seeing Kate?"

"When did you say your next appointment with Dr Petrovsky was?" Juliet asked, and for a moment, Kate was sure she was going to say no.

"He wants me to come back at sixteen weeks," she told her with a heavy sigh. She wasn't looking forward to having another argument with him about Jack, or hearing any more of his insane theories about childbirth.

To her surprise, Juliet smiled. "Then just to be safe, maybe we should do this again in about a month…?"

* * *

Next chapter: Sewing... ;)


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks for the reviews. I'm going to try to get another update of Destiny up over the weekend. I'm all inspired by the premiere. ;)

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Chapter 11.

"Honey, I'm home," Jack called to Kate from the foyer, followed by the thud of his heavy work boots hitting the floor as he kicked them off and trudged into the living room where she was stationed on the couch, surrounded by rolls of fabric. "What's all this?"

"I'm sewing," she told him, glancing up from the row of stitches she was reinforcing in time to catch his expression shifting from one of humour to perplexity.

"No offense, Kate, but since when do you sew?"

While she'd never really embraced the role of housewife before, now that they were settled again in a home of their own, and the nesting instinct that she'd read so much about had begun to kick in, she had to admit that she was enjoying the peaceful domesticity of life in the seventies. It was a nice reprieve from the years of fear and uncertainty she'd faced as a fugitive, then as a refugee from the island. "The first time we met, I told you I made those drapes," she insisted. She'd sewed _him_ up, hadn't she?

"That was almost four years ago," he reminded her with a sceptical frown. "I don't think I saw you pick up a needle except to sew a button back on the entire time we were living together."

"Well babies need clothes and I can't exactly go down to the Gap," she pointed out. Not only were there no stores in Dharmaville, but there was no compensation money or wages or credit cards either. Everyone worked in exchange for food and lodging and the chance to change the world. "I asked Amy and this is what the women here do."

"This is all for the baby?" he asked, picking up one of the little outfits she'd just finished pinning.

"Uh huh," she agreed, returning to her work. "Amy loaned me some patterns."

"It's blue."

"Uh huh," she replied again. She'd decided to use both colours, just in case. "Juliet said she didn't see a penis – that doesn't mean he doesn't have one." To get him back for not being more supportive, she couldn't resist teasing, "Maybe it's just small."

Just as she expected, he looked horrified. "Shephard men do not have small penises," he complained; if he could reach the baby's ears, she was sure that he would have tried to cover them then. "_He_ is definitely a _she_."

"You think so, do you?" she teased him as he stooped to kiss her a proper hello, even though like him, she trusted Juliet's judgement. If she thought it was a girl, then it probably was, although Kate couldn't blame her for her unwillingness to commit one way or the other until she was certain.

"I know so," he agreed with a smug grin, his brow resting lightly against hers.

"And what're we gonna do with all those pink things if you're wrong?" she asked him.

He kissed her again, his smile growing, taking on a hint of suggestion as he said, "We could always try again…"

* * *

This time when the doctor ordered Jack to wait outside while he carried out his examination of Kate, he didn't put up much of a fight, though she could see by the tense look on his face that he wasn't any happier about it; she was glad that they'd asked Juliet to monitor her pregnancy as well so that he could be involved in those appointments at least.

"You asked about the sex last time?" the doctor reminded them once he'd allowed Jack to rejoin them for the ultrasound and they both nodded eagerly.

"It's a girl, right?" Jack supplied, grinning at Kate, as if to say 'I told you so'.

"No, it looks like a boy to me," the doctor corrected him. He pointed to a pale blur at the bottom of the screen. "Right there."

"Are you sure?" Kate insisted, exchanging a glance with Jack, who appeared equally bewildered by his reading. If it were really that easy to spot, surely Juliet would have reached the same conclusion? "Maybe you should check again."

"I've done this hundreds – if not thousands – of times," the doctor assured them, removing the wand and gesturing for the nurse to come over and clean Kate up, and she wondered if he thought she was reacting out of disappointment. She was a woman, so naturally, she had to want a daughter. "That's why I feel pretty confident in saying you've got a little football player on your hands."

* * *

"How can it be a girl _and_ a boy?" Kate wondered aloud as they walked home from the clinic. She turned to Jack in alarm as a disturbing thought occurred to her. "Oh God. You don't think it's a hermaphrodite, do you?" What exactly were the chances of something like that happening? Would they be able to pick it up before birth?

She found herself relaxing when Jack laughed, apparently unconcerned. "I think it's safe to say it's definitely one or the other," he assured her, slipping his arm around her and she knew that he had to be right.

One of the doctors was obviously mistaken. The question was, which one? Juliet had said that she wasn't familiar with the equipment, but then Dr Petrovsky had an arrogance about him that she didn't like. It annoyed her that he was so quick to dismiss all of her questions as those of a hysterical and overly cautious pregnant woman.

"We didn't need an ultrasound to tell us that," she complained, wishing for a moment that they were back in 2007, where medical technology was much less primitive. If they couldn't even tell the sex without a huge margin for error, what else could they be missing? Would they even know if something was really wrong?

"Hey," Jack murmured, seeming to pick up on her downbeat mood. "I know you're excited, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

The same could be said for any developmental problems that he or she might be having. At least Miles and Ethan were both healthy; being born on the island hadn't affected them, or Aaron, thirty years later, so chances were, their child would be okay too. She sighed. "Do we really have a choice?"

* * *

"What d'you think she'll look like?" Kate asked Jack as they lay in bed. Her stomach had been feeling strange and fluttery since before her last appointment, and she was beginning to wonder if it wasn't so much the burrito she'd eaten for lunch as their son or daughter finally deciding to make its presence known.

"So you believe it's a girl?" Jack teased her, still wide awake despite the lateness of the hour.

"I haven't decided," she confessed, finally settling on her back, her hands folded awkwardly beneath her breasts. At almost five months pregnant, it was getting harder for her to find a position comfortable enough to sleep in, especially now that her stomach was off limits. She tilted her head to look at him. "Maybe you can convince me."

He shifted onto his side so that he was facing her, propping his cheek on his hand. "Well," he began, the moonlight softening his features, making him appear younger than his forty plus years, "she'll have dark hair, of course – curly, like yours. And green eyes. And when she gets older, she'll have freckles…"

No wonder he was adamant about it being a girl. "You just described me," she pointed out, wishing that he'd at least decided to give the baby the soulful brown eyes that she'd come to love so much. "Doesn't she have anything of yours?"

"You mean other than my eternal devotion?" His tone was joking, but something in his voice told her that he was talking as much about her as he was the baby inside of her.

"I'm glad she's yours," she whispered, even though he couldn't possibly understand the significance of what she was trying to tell him. Sawyer had hit the nail right on the head when he argued that she didn't just want a baby, she wanted _their_ baby, because for the first time in her life, she was irrevocably bound to another human being and yet she couldn't think of a single reason to run from him. The thought was both terrifying and exhilarating. "I couldn't imagine choosing a better father for her."

In spite of all her mistakes, it was still the best gift that she could have given it, one that she herself had never had. Though there were some parts of him that weren't in his genetic code, and therefore couldn't be inherited, like his dogged determination and good heart, she hoped that he would find a way to pass those traits onto their child too.

His eyes were glistening as he leant over to kiss her, and she knew that her words had touched him. He'd always needed to hear that she had faith in him before he could have faith in himself, even though she'd never understood why he believed that she – a murderer and ex-con – was the one who could give that to him. Clearly he saw something in her that she didn't. Maybe that was just how love worked.

After a moment, they broke from each other, and he moved down her body, carefully peeling back the blankets, then her shirt so that her belly was exposed.

"What're you doing?" she asked him, struggling up onto her elbows to watch, but instead of answering her, he just smiled, bracing himself over her as he placed a gentle kiss above her bellybutton.

"What is she saying?" she teased him when he moved to cup her belly in his hands, laying his ear against it, listening, as if he were expecting the baby to try to speak to him.

"She's saying—" He jumped back when what she figured was a foot connected with his cheekbone, his smile fading, caught between astonishment and distress, as if he wasn't sure how he should react.

His startled expression was enough to send Kate into a fit of laughter. There was no question this time that what they'd both felt was a kick. "She's saying, 'Hi Daddy! I can't wait to meet you!'" she told him, and recovering from his shock, he began to laugh too.

Once she'd sobered enough to lie still again, he pushed down on her belly just like Juliet had showed them to coax the baby into kicking for him again, and this time, they saw a slight ripple go through her skin, causing them both to erupt into fresh peels of laughter.

Replacing her shirt, Jack stretched out on his back beside her, his hands behind his head, grinning broadly as he turned to look at her. "I can't wait to meet her either," he told her.

* * *

Next chapter: More Juliet and some bad news... ;)


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks for the reviews. I'll be going away for about a week starting Thursday so I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again. I'm halfway through writing chapter 8 of Destiny at the moment, so hopefully that will be next. ;)

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Chapter 12.

"Why don't you take the afternoon off?" Amy told Kate when she came back from feeding Ethan and saw her sitting hunched over the desk, pushing her fingers into her temples. Her head felt like it was being squeezed in a vice. "You're no good to me like this."

"No, Amy – I'm fine," Kate assured her, picking up her pen again and trying to concentrate on the file she was updating even though what she really wanted was a long soak in a warm bath, feeling her baby kick while she tried not to fall asleep.

"I mean it, Kate," Amy insisted, almost as if she were reading her thoughts. "Go home. Relax."

Kate didn't have the energy to argue with her so she closed folder and stood, bracing her hand against the back of her chair until her vision cleared.

"And while you're at it," she added, walking with her to the door, "think about when you're gonna start your maternity leave."

* * *

Alone in their darkened bedroom, Kate slipped off her shoes and stretched out on her side on the bed to take a nap. The baby had been becoming more active since the night it startled Jack with its first real kick; closing her eyes, she could feel the soft reassuring taps of its limbs striking out against her insides as it tried to get comfortable too.

What seemed like seconds later, she drifted awake to the sound of footsteps in the hall, rising into a sitting position as Jack turned the corner. "Hey," she greeted him with a sleepy smile. "You're back early."

"I wanted to take a shower before I stopped by to pick you up for lunch," he explained, shrugging out of his damp jumpsuit. "Bathroom duty." He grinned. "What about you? What're you doing home?"

"Amy sent me," she told him, leaning back against the headboard.

His expression softened with concern as he crossed to her side, sitting down on the edge of the bed and covering her forehead with his palm. "You don't have a fever," he announced, shifting it to her cheek. He stroked it in a tender, loving gesture that made her smile despite herself. "Are you feeling okay?"

"It's just a headache," she assured him, even though she was sure this wouldn't stop him from worrying.

The furrow in his brow deepened. "Still?"

She knew what he was thinking: it was the fifth day in a row that she'd complained about having one. "Lots of women get headaches during pregnancy," she felt compelled to point out, as much to ease her own mind as his. "Something to do with the hormones. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about."

"You're probably right," he allowed. "But I think we should talk to Juliet about it, just in case."

"Okay," she agreed; as stubborn as she knew she could be at times, she wasn't prepared to take any chances with their baby's health either.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Are you kidding?" She was _always_ hungry. All this baby seemed to do was eat. "I feel like I could eat my own hand," she joked and he laughed.

"Well we better do something about that then," he said, peeling off his t-shirt and tossing it in with the rest of the laundry. Food wasn't the only thing she was hungry for; as he leant over to pull some clean clothes from the dresser, she couldn't help noting how well hard labour seemed to agree with him. "Just give me a few minutes and we can go down to the cafeteria," he called back over his shoulder on the way to the bathroom.

As she lay there waiting for him to come back, she felt an unfamiliar ache in her upper abdomen, but since it was difficult to distinguish from the cramps caused by the stretching of her uterus or heartburn, she decided to ignore it, focusing on the baby's movements instead.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jack stop in the doorway, his hair wet, dressed in a fresh t-shirt and jeans, watching her when he saw her lying there with her head bent over her belly.

"She's moving a lot today," she informed him; as soon as he was close enough, she placed his hand against it so that he could feel it too and he grinned.

"Amy thinks I should go on maternity leave," she told him, testing his reaction.

"It's not a bad idea," he agreed. "We're married now so you can stay as long as I'm here, and Juliet did say your blood pressure was a little high. It might be good for you to try to cut back on stress until after the baby's born."

Despite the near-completed nursery down the hall, her due date was still a long way off. "What'm I gonna do with myself for the next four months?" she complained. Last time she found herself stuck at home she'd had Aaron to keep her from getting too bored; she wished the baby were here right now. Then she wouldn't care about going to work.

He pressed a soothing kiss to her lips before offering her his hand to help her up. "You could always keep sewing," he teased her.

* * *

They ate lunch at one of the long tables in the cafeteria, where Hurley's cooking had begun to draw crowds. His latest 'invention' was pastries stuffed with meat, cheese and vegetables, which he'd named 'Hot Pockets' to the amusement of his friends. He was working from memory, so he hadn't gotten the recipe exactly right, but it was still nice to eat something that reminded them of home; Kate made a mental note to ask him next time she had a craving for something more exotic than the staples each house was supplied with.

"How's your headache?" Jack asked, gathering up their plates to take back after the meal.

"Better," she told him with a smile. She always felt better after she ate; she was afraid that the baby alone was going to weigh ten pounds by the time it was born, and she was dreading the shapeless housedresses the other pregnant women seemed to wear. She already felt like a blimp.

"Feel like taking a walk?" he asked. "There's something I wanna show you."

Mystified, she slipped her hand into his and together they strolled out into the sunshine. Her back was beginning to ache and her feet felt puffy and huge and she knew by the looks people gave them that there was a rumour going around that said she'd only married him because of it, but she didn't care because she was happy just to be out enjoying the day with him.

When they reached the shed, he dropped her hand, fishing a set of keys out of the front pocked of his jeans and using them to unlock the door. "Wait here," he instructed, going in ahead of her. He switched on the lights, moving about straightening up before calling, "Ready."

She entered cautiously, picking her way past mops and buckets and brooms and a rusted lawnmower to where he was standing. "What d'you think?" he asked, throwing a drop sheet off something large and rectangular with a flourish. It was a crib, made of teak and stained with the same brown finish as the rocking chair in the nursery at home. "It still needs another coat but it's basically done."

For a moment, she was speechless; then she felt herself begin to tear up with emotion. She hadn't really believed him when he said that he was going to build it himself, but as usual, he'd proven her wrong. "It's perfect," she whispered, running her hand along the smooth surface of the rail, trying to picture them putting their baby down there every night. Jack would read to her and Kate would enjoy listening to him even more than their daughter, and when they were alone, she would sing to her.

Five months ago, they'd both thought their lives were over, but now, she thought as she beamed up at him, it seemed that the best days were still ahead of them.

* * *

"You're in your nineteenth week? Is that right?" Juliet checked, taking Kate's measurements as she had during her last exam. Once again, Sawyer was patrolling outside to ensure that they didn't get caught breaking and entering.

"Twentieth," Kate corrected her. She waited for her to return to the usual friendly banter, but when she didn't, she pressed, "Is something wrong?"

"It's just that the baby is measuring a little small," Juliet confessed.

Her poker face bothered Kate more than her words. The obvious explanation was that she'd gotten the date of conception wrong, but Kate couldn't see how she could be off by more than a month. "I don't understand," she insisted. She knew the baby was growing because she was. "I put on two pounds this month."

Juliet picked up Kate's wrist, turning over her palm, frowning at the way her wedding ring pinched her finger; while Kate knew that she wouldn't be able to wear it for much longer, after the fuss Jack had made about making an honest women out of her, she couldn't bear the thought of taking it off yet. "Judging by the swelling in your hands and feet, I'd say that's mostly from fluid retention."

She let go of Kate's arm, gesturing for her to lie back. "I'm going to do an ultrasound just to make sure," she told them, lifting her shirt, "but given that your blood pressure is still extremely high, it could be an early indicator of preeclampsia."

"What is that? Is it serious?" Kate asked, forcing herself to remain still while Juliet applied the gel to her stomach. She managed to calm herself when the now familiar image of their baby filled the screen, its tiny heart beating, the rhythm as sure and steady as the last time they'd heard it. Whatever was happening, it didn't seem to have hurt her yet.

"You might have heard the other doctor call it toxaemia," Juliet explained. "It's a narrowing of the blood vessels that limits the flow of blood to your kidneys, liver, brain and the placenta."

"I thought that only happened with multiples?" Jack chimed in once he'd given himself time to digest this.

"Usually it does," Juliet agreed, "but we see it in single pregnancies sometimes too – especially first time moms. It could be that Kate has a family history."

They both turned to her for confirmation and all of a sudden she felt like crying. She'd spoken to her mother exactly once in the last three years. "I don't know," she confessed. "My mom never talked about when she was pregnant." Maybe if she had, Kate would have discovered the truth about Wayne sooner. "And my grandma died before I was born."

Jack reached for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, but when she glanced up at him for reassurance, she saw that he'd gone into doctor mode. "How do we fix it?" he insisted. "There must be some kind of medication you can give her."

"That's just it, Jack – I can't," Juliet told him and Kate wondered if she was going to quit then and there. Textbook. That was the word that she'd used. "When I came here – in 2001 – we were still working on ways to treat it. The only guaranteed cure is delivery and that would be fatal for the baby at this stage of development, so you're gonna have to take it easy," she finished, redirecting her attention to Kate. "Try to rest, drink plenty of water, limit your stress as much as possible."

"And then she would be okay?" Kate pressed, feeling a small glimmer of hope at the idea that it was really that easy. If rest was all the baby needed then she would take her maternity leave right now.

"If we can keep your blood pressure down, then we should be able to get you closer to term," Juliet continued, neither agreeing nor disagreeing with her, she noticed. "Normally we would induce after thirty-two weeks, when it's safer for the baby, but we don't have the facilities here to support a premature birth. Which means you would have to deliver on the mainland where they could monitor both of you properly."

She could see that Jack wasn't happy; she knew that he wanted Juliet to supervise the birth and that wouldn't be possible if it took place in a hospital. But he couldn't put them at risk like that either. "Why didn't the other doctor tell us any of this?" he asked in a tired voice, massaging the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

"We know a lot more now than they did back then," Juliet reminded him, stopping herself when she seemed to realise how confusing this sounded. "Except now _is_ then." She shook her head with a wry smile. "You know what I mean. There's a chance he just hasn't picked up on it yet. That doesn't mean he won't."

She didn't have to say it: it also didn't mean that he would.

"You didn't answer my question," Kate said softly, even though she still didn't know if she wanted her to. "If I do what you said, will she be alright?" She would never be able to live with herself if she wasn't when she was sure that it must be her fault: she had had taken advantage of Jack – a recovering addict and then man who loved her – during one of the most vulnerable periods of his life and now God was punishing her for it by taking her baby away from her after she'd fallen completely in love with it. "I already lost Aaron – I can't lose her too." It would be better for everyone if her plan had failed and she'd never gotten pregnant at all.

"I'm a fertility doctor, Kate, not a fortune teller," Juliet reminded her gently. "What I _can_ tell you is that aside from her size, everything else seems healthy. She's doing the best that she can…"

* * *

Next chapter: Jack gets a promotion and Kate confides in Juliet... ;)


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks for the reviews. This one only has a few chapters left so I want to try to get done in the next few weeks... ;)

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Chapter 13.

"I thought you were gonna take it easy today?" Jack said when he found Kate in the nursery, making up the crib.

The sheets that they'd ordered were a neutral white, but now that she was seeing them on the tiny mattress, she was beginning to regret making such a practical choice. They reminded her of a hospital bed or the lining of a coffin. "I was," she assured him, stepping back to survey her work. Maybe it would look less sterile if she added some toys or a mobile. Babies needed stimulation. "But then Amy brought over these boxes…"

"And you just couldn't help yourself, could you?" he finished with a grin.

"I just wanna make sure everything is ready for when she arrives," she told him. There was still so much they needed to organise and they were running out of time. In less than a month, she would enter her third trimester, and then according to Juliet, they might have to induce her. If the baby was going to spend the first weeks of her life in some hospital in Ann Arbour, the least Kate could do was make sure that she had somewhere nice to come home to. "I was so unprepared before, with Aaron – I didn't have a crib or diapers…" She turned away from him under the pretence of smoothing out an invisible crease so that he wouldn't notice how close she was to tears, but a moment later, she felt him come up behind her, slipping his arms around her waist.

"It's gonna be okay, Kate," he said, his voice muffled as he kissed the side of her neck, resting his chin against her collarbone.

"How can you be sure?" she asked, settling back into his embrace.

"Because for once in my life, I have faith," he told her. "This baby – _this_ is our destiny. At least, she's the only one that matters now."

She wished he would stop talking like that when it was anything but. "Me getting pregnant wasn't 'destiny', Jack," she argued, even though she couldn't bring herself to tell him how she knew this. "It's what happens when you don't use birth control."

But he wasn't going to be deterred. "When did you become such a cynic?" he asked.

"When did _you_ become such an optimist?" She never would have imagined that he could be so Zen about the possibility of something going wrong with her pregnancy, but it seemed as if in his mind, at least, there was no doubt that it would all work itself out.

Of course that didn't stop him from treating her like a porcelain doll. It had taken almost a week for her to convince him that it was still okay for them to have sex, and even then, it was only when she initiated it.

"I think it must have been around the time that I got everything I ever wanted," he agreed, kissing her shoulder.

"You always wanted to be a _janitor_?" she teased him.

"Head janitor, actually," he corrected her, looking sheepish when she turned to see if he was joking. "Horace came by the schoolroom today and offered me a promotion."

"Jack! That's wonderful!" she cried, throwing her arms around his neck, even though she could tell that he was trying to downplay it.

He held her for a moment then let go. "I don't even know if I'm gonna take it," he confessed.

"Why wouldn't you?" she insisted, taken aback by his obvious lack of enthusiasm. He was one of the most ambitious people that she knew; she couldn't understand why, after being there for over than five months, he wasn't happier that his hard work and attention to detail was being recognised. "He obviously thinks you deserve it."

"Because I'm not a leader, Kate," he said, without even a hint of false modesty. "I tried that once before and look what happened." Rather than meet her eyes, he kept his trained on her belly, caressing it with his thumb. "Besides, I need to be here for you and the baby."

He was always selling himself short; why couldn't he trust himself, the way everyone else did, especially her? "I know what you're doing, Jack, and I'm not gonna let you use us as an excuse," she complained. He'd already proven to her that he could juggle a successful career with being a father and husband when he spent all day in the OR, repairing people's spines, and still made it home in time to tuck Aaron in. Surely he could manage the same thing here, where the work was much less demanding? It wasn't like people would die if he got to the floors a little late. "We'll be fine, but you… Do you really wanna clean toilets for the rest of your life?" She could tell by his expression that he didn't, but he wasn't ready to admit it to himself either, so he was trying to convince himself that the thought of being a glorified cleaner didn't bother him. "Promise me that you'll at least think about it before you turn it down?"

"Okay," he agreed, rewarding her with the beginnings of a smile. "If you promise to relax."

It wasn't much compared to what he'd achieved back home – especially when his main competition was the town drunk – but still, she couldn't help being thrilled that he was finally moving up in the world. She didn't want him to worry about their child being ashamed of him because he wasn't someone more important. She launched herself at him again. "I'm so proud of you."

* * *

Now that she had seemingly endless free time and very little to do, Kate had begun to take afternoon naps for the first time since Aaron was a baby; it was during one of these naps that she was roused by a knock at the front door.

"Juliet? What're you doing here?" she asked when she opened it to find the fertility doctor turned mechanic standing out on the porch with a non-descript satchel slung over one shoulder.

"I came by to see how you were feeling," she explained, giving it a pointed pat, and it occurred to Kate that she must have found a way to smuggle supplies out of the clinic so that she could continue conducting her examinations of her in secret.

"Come in," she told her, stepping back to let her inside.

"Have you had any more headaches since your last appointment?" she asked, getting straight down to business, unpacking a series of medical instruments and laying them out across the surface of the kitchen counter.

At least one of they should stay positive. "Promise you won't tell Jack?" Kate checked, even she had a feeling that she would anyway if she thought they were serious enough.

"I won't unless you want me to," Juliet assured her.

"Then yeah," she agreed. It was more like one long continuous one. "I can't seem to shake it."

"Why don't you let me take a look?" Juliet suggested.

Kate showed her to her and Jack's bedroom so that she could lay comfortably while Juliet measured her belly and took her vitals, including her heart rate and blood pressure.

"Well, the good news is that the baby is only measuring slightly smaller than normal this week," she announced after repeating the process to ensure that her measurements were accurate.

After Kate had spent the better part of the last week preparing herself for the worst, the idea that it might still be okay was almost too good to be true. "So she's growing?"

"She's growing," Juliet agreed, breaking into a grin to match Kate's.

She checked her enthusiasm when she realised that there was more. "But…?"

"But," Juliet continued, "even though it looks like she's doing better, she's still at risk as long as your blood pressure remains this high." She folded the measuring tape and set it on the bed next to the cuff. "Kate, the other week at the clinic, it seemed like you wanted to tell me something. Something you didn't want Jack to hear?" she prompted.

When Kate didn't answer right away, she added, "It's okay if you don't, I just thought it might help to talk about whatever's been bothering you."

As well intentioned at the offer was, Kate wasn't sure she was comfortable spilling her secrets to a woman that she had only just begun to consider a friend.

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?" Juliet tried again. "Are you sure that Jack is the baby's father? Because we can run a paternity test if you're not."

Kate was so shocked that she almost burst out laughing. "Who else do you think would it be?" The smile slid from her face when she saw how serious Juliet was. "Wait, you're not suggesting…?" No wonder she'd taken such an interest in her pregnancy: she wanted to make sure that it wasn't a threat. "Juliet," she breathed, at a loss as to how she'd come to reach such a baseless conclusion. She and Sawyer were rarely, if ever, alone. Then she remembered how heatedly she'd argued with him that night after dinner. What if Juliet had seen them? "I would never do that to you _or_ him. I see how happy he is with you and I would never do anything to ruin that."

"But if he and I weren't together…?" she pressed. "You must have thought about it."

Kate shook her head. Whatever happened between them in the past, it had been over for a long time. She didn't want to go back there: not when she had a husband and a child and a life that she loved. "I don't regret choosing Jack," she told her without looking away and Juliet relaxed visibly.

"Thank God," she said. "I knew it was crazy."

In the back of her mind, Kate couldn't help thinking that even though she didn't regret choosing Jack, he was going to regret choosing her. It wouldn't matter to him that she'd proven her love by marrying him; he would still be hurt when he found out.

"Is it the baby?" Juliet guessed, her sympathetic tone returning now that her own fears had been allayed. "You don't want it? Because that's okay too. A lot of women have doubts after falling pregnant. That doesn't make you a bad mother."

Kate felt something inside of her break then. "I wanted this baby more than anything," she corrected her before she wrongly assumed that she was suffering from some kind of pregnancy-related depression, dissolving into tears that had nothing to do with her hormones. She couldn't bring herself to look at her as the words tumbled out. "Becoming a mom was the best thing that ever happened to me, then Jack started going on about how we had to come back and I knew how dangerous it would be for us if I got pregnant here, so I went to his apartment and I got him to sleep with me."

"Did he know what you were doing?"

She could have lied and said yes, but she was tired of lying. "I think he thought it meant I wanted to get back together with him," she confessed. She was so ashamed of herself afterwards that rather than admit that all she wanted from him was sex by sneaking out in the middle of the night, she stayed and let him hold her like he had every other time they were together like that. As far as she was aware, he'd never suspected her of having an ulterior motive beyond seeking comfort from him, even after she broke the news of her pregnancy; he'd even felt guilty himself, for not doing anything to prevent it. "He loves me and I used him and now the baby's sick…"

"This isn't your fault, Kate," Juliet tried to assure her. "It would've happened no matter how or why the baby was conceived. But you can't keep doing this to yourself – it's not healthy for either of you. You need to tell him what happened. It's the only way the two of you are going to be able to move past this."

"It's funny," Kate mused, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand once she'd managed to compose herself. "Sawyer said the exact opposite. He told me he was okay with living a lie."

To her surprise, Juliet smiled. "That's because we both know the truth…"

* * *

Next chapter: Jack finds what he thinks is the perfect name and Kate finally decides to come clean... ;)


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks for the reviews. Hopefully this chapter (and the _real_ secret that Kate has been keeping from Jack) lives up to your expectations. I've been planning it since their conversation about Aaron in The Incident. ;)

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Chapter 14.

Kate was lighting candles when Jack walked in.

"You were expecting me, weren't you?" he teased her, stopping to admire the new floral shift dress that highlighted her changing figure, the white linen tablecloth, the good china that Horace and Amy had given them as a wedding gift.

She blew out the match she was holding. "We never got to celebrate your promotion," she explained, smiling at him as she straightened.

"It's not like they made me Chief of Surgery," he insisted, but she could see that he was touched.

"I made green bean casserole and lemon cheesecake for dessert," she told him. After hitting Hurley up for supplies, she'd spent most of the afternoon in the kitchen. The only thing missing was wine, which she'd had to replace with sparkling cider.

"No sex?" he deadpanned, crossing the kitchen to kiss her, and she laughed.

"Go take off your jumpsuit so we can eat," she said, grazing his lips one more time before pushing him away gently; he made it as far as the hallway, watching her as she slid the dish from the oven, cursing softly when the towel slipped and her fingers touched the hot glass.

"What?" she asked him with a self-conscious smile, setting it on the table between the dinner rolls and the salad bowl.

"Nothing, it's just… This is my favourite part of the day," he confessed. "The part where I get to come home to you."

* * *

"I thought of a name today while I was mopping the cafeteria," he announced halfway through the meal, once they'd exhausted all the usual topics.

She'd heard that tone before, many, many times. "I swear to God, Jack, if you say 'Destiny'…" she complained, only half kidding. It was bad enough that the baby would act as a reminder. She didn't want to think about it every time she heard her name too.

"I'm not gonna say 'Destiny', Kate," he assured her, smirking as he added, "Maybe as a middle name."

Even though she knew he wasn't serious, she couldn't bring herself to do more than flash him a weak smile. "All right then, let's hear it," she told him, putting down her fork and lifting her napkin instead. She was nearing the end of her second trimester; it couldn't hurt to start making a list.

He was almost vibrating with excitement as he said, "How do you feel about Sydney?" his eyes shining with the same intense look he got whenever he was talking about the island.

She felt her heart sink at the suggestion. "Sydney?" she repeated. The name itself wasn't bad – kind of cute for a girl – but she didn't like where he was going with it. "As in Sydney, Australia?"

His face split into a broad grin. "Exactly," he agreed, pleased that she understood the significance without him having to explain. "Of course we could always spell it with an 'i' if she turns out to be a he."

He seemed so hell bent on the idea that she wondered if there was any way that she would be able to talk him out of it. She settled on the obvious. "What if our plane had taken off from Brisbane? Or Melbourne?" she argued, wishing that he'd chosen something more random like Abigail or Emily. "Would you consider those too?"

"It didn't," he insisted. "For some reason, we were meant to go to Sydney, Kate. Just like we're meant to have this baby."

She couldn't listen to another one of his speeches. It was too painful. "Stop it," she whispered, dropping her head into her hands. "Just stop."

"Kate?" he said to get her attention; when she glanced up at him, she could see that he was taken aback. "Did something happen today? The baby…?"

"Is fine," she assured him. "Juliet checked us out. Twenty centimetres."

"That's great," he said. He reached across the table for her hand. "Only two below normal. She's catching up, Kate. By the time she's born she should be right on track."

She looked down at their hands, entwined on the tablecloth. She wanted to keep celebrating with him – his promotion, the baby, the fact that they were finally happy in their new home – but she wasn't sure that she deserved it. "I need to tell you something," she confessed softly, "only first, you have to promise me that you'll let me finish, okay?"

She could see that he was wary, but he nodded, his desire to know winning out. "Okay," he agreed.

"You remember what happened the night before we came back here?"

He glanced down at her belly with a soft chuckle. "How could I forget?"

"I'm being serious here," she insisted, dropping his hand, and his smile disappeared, replaced by a deep frown. She licked her lips nervously, searching for the best place to begin. "There's no easy way to do this, so I'm just gonna come right out and say it," she decided finally.

"Good, because you're starting to scare me," he told her, and she wondered if he thought she was talking about ending their relationship.

"This," she placed both hands over her belly for emphasis, "wasn't an accident."

He just stared at her blankly. "I don't understand…"

For a doctor, he could be pretty oblivious sometimes. "I did it on purpose. I wanted a baby and I knew you never would've agreed and that's why I threw myself at you. But it wasn't just about getting pregnant, Jack," she rushed on, remembering her conversation with Sawyer. "I wanted our old life back. I was trying to make things how they were. And they are. The last two months, since we got married, have been amazing. I know you've felt that too."

He pushed his chair back so suddenly that it almost tipped backwards. "I don't believe this," he cried. "You just told me you tricked me into helping you get pregnant and now you want me to thank you for it? I would have given you anything you asked. _Anything_."

But he hadn't. All he'd done was take from her, until there was nothing left and she was as broken as he was. "You owed me," she retorted before she had time to think about what she was saying. "You made me give up my son." As soon as it was out, she knew that it was the truth. There was a part of her, however small, that had acted not out of love, but revenge, hoping to reclaim the sense of peace – the first she'd known in her turbulent life – that he'd stolen from her. It was never about hurting him, though; it was about ending her own pain.

"So instead of talking to me, you decided to get back at me by taking whatever you wanted?"

It sounded so callous when he put it like that. "Jack, I'm sorry," she told him. "I wish I could take it all back but I can't." She of all people knew that life didn't work that way.

She waited for him to sit back down, to give her the chance to explain, but she could see that he wasn't going to. "You're pregnant, so I'm going to let you stay here," he told her in a restrained tone that scared her more than any amount of yelling ever could, "but I can't even look at you right now, so I think I should be the one to leave."

Something about the way he said it made her wonder if he was ever planning on coming back. "What about the baby?" she asked, hating herself for playing that card now, after she'd just tainted it for him, but she couldn't let him punish an innocent child for the choices that she'd made.

He let out a derisive laugh. "Don't you mean _your_ baby?"

Even though she knew she deserved them and more, the words still stung. "You can't just abandon her," she pleaded. All he'd wanted to do was love and protect her since the moment he found out that she'd been conceived. How could he just switch those feelings off? And would be ever he able to switch them back on?

"Why not?" he insisted. "I'm not her father. You made that pretty clear. I'm just the guy who provided the sperm."

It wasn't the first time he'd used his anger at her as an excuse to wash his hands of his responsibilities. She was starting to think that she might have misjudged him when she said he was good at being a husband and father. "I made a mistake, Jack, but I am still your wife," she reminded him, her own temper beginning to flare up at how stubborn he was being. "You vowed to love me for better or worse. Doesn't that entitle me to some kind of forgiveness from you? We're having a baby together."

"Together." He shook his head in disgust. "You might have married me, but this was never about us, Kate. It was about _you_. And that's the part I cannot forgive."

* * *

Next chapter: Jack spends the night on Sawyer and Juliet's couch... ;)


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks for the reviews. I'm not sure why, but I really struggled with this chapter. I think it might have been the changing perspectives. Hopefully you'll like the Suliet though. That's one of the things I was really excited about writing in this chapter since we get to see them as the old "married" couple helping Jack and Kate through their marital problems. ;)

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Chapter 15.

There were a lot of things Sawyer enjoyed about being head of security for the Dharma Initiative, but having his sleep disturbed wasn't one of them. "It's probably just Phil," he murmured to Juliet when a persistent banging on the front door caused her to moan and reflexively bury her face in his chest. The boy was so damn eager to score Brownie points with him.

He extricated himself from her carefully so as not to wake her fully, shifting her head across to the pillow. "You go back to sleep."

Juliet hadn't gotten around to doing the laundry that night so the jumpsuit he'd taken off earlier still lay discarded on a chair in the corner. He yanked it on over his boxers and went to answer it before the commotion woke the whole village up.

After Phil, his next guess would have been Horace or Miles, but it was Jack who stood out on the porch, his stricken look sending a rush of adrenaline through him as his mind began to go over the possibilities, most of which involved Kate or the baby or both. "Doc?" he greeted him, struggling to read his expression. "Everythin' all right?"

"I need you to do me a favour," Jack explained in a slurred voice and to Sawyer's disgust, he thought he smelt the feint odour whiskey on his breath. He must have used his key to raid one of the supply closets because Sawyer knew for a fact that Kate wouldn't allow him to bring so much as a drop of alcohol into their home.

He was just about to ask him what was going on when he heard Juliet's voice behind him. "Jack?" He turned to see her pulling on her robe as she emerged from the hallway behind him. "What're you doing here? Is Kate okay?"

"She's fine," Jack assured them. "At least she was the last time I saw her."

Which, judging by his state of intoxication, was quite a while ago. "If she's fine, then why're you here?" Sawyer pressed. "Why aren't you at home with her?" Wasn't she supposed to be making him some kind of special dinner? He was sure that she'd mentioned something like that when he ran into her outside the cafeteria earlier.

"I left her."

The words sounded so strange and unfamiliar coming from his mouth that all Sawyer could do was stare at him dumbly, without comprehension. "What d'you mean you left her?"

"I mean, I left her," he repeated in the same matter of fact tone, as if they were discussing the weather rather than the end of his marriage. He shifted his attention back to Juliet. "Do you mind if I crash here tonight? I wouldn't ask except that it's really late."

She glanced over at Sawyer to see what his thoughts were, sighing when he couldn't set side his anger long enough to respond with more than a hostile shrug. If it were up to him, they'd give him a strong cup of coffee to sober him up and send him on his way. "Sure," she agreed finally. "I'll make you up a bed on the couch."

She started for the hall closet where they stored the spare blankets; Sawyer waited until he was sure she was out of earshot to ask, "So what'd you and Freckles fight about?" Surely she wasn't stupid enough to tell him the truth?

"I don't wanna talk about it," Jack said stubbornly, wandering past him into the living room. He cracked open the blinds, peering out across the darkened courtyard at his own house where Kate was no doubt waiting for him.

"I'm just sayin', you must have a good reason for walkin' out on your wife and kid," Sawyer insisted, unable to hide his contempt over what he'd just told them. Sure he'd abandoned his own daughter before she was even born but Jack better than that. At least he'd always thought so.

Leave it to Juliet to choose that exact moment to rejoin them. "James!" she cried, fixing him with a warning glare to pull him back into line like she always did whenever she thought that he'd gone too far.

He let out a heavy sigh as he watched her spread an old cotton sheet over the couch cushions, depositing a pillow and blanket neatly on top of it.

Jack flashed her a grateful smile, sitting down to pull off his boots. "Thanks."

"You already know where everything is," she told him, catching Sawyer's elbow and steering him in the direction of the hall before he had a chance to say anything else. "Just make yourself at home and we'll see you in the morning."

* * *

Now that Kate was his wife and they were finally starting a real family together, Jack wished that he could say he didn't care how it happened, but what she'd told him over dinner changed everything. It was much easier for him to sort out his feelings about the pregnancy when he thought it was the result of a slip up on both of their parts; instead, the knowledge that she'd gone ahead and planned it without any regard for what he might want had left him questioning the very foundation of their relationship: after all, would they even be together now if that night had gone differently and she _hadn't_ succeeded in conceiving his child? He wasn't sure that he was willing to accept her forgiveness if she put that kind of price on it, not when he'd already done everything that he could think of to make up for the pain that he'd caused her.

As he lay in the dark staring up at the unfamiliar ceiling, he could hear Sawyer talking through the thin walls that separated the living area from their bedroom. "You shouldn't'a told him he could stay here," he hissed, but that didn't stop his voice from carrying down the hall.

"So you would rather we let him sleep on a park bench somewhere?" Juliet countered with her usual pragmatism; to Jack's surprise, she sounded more amused than upset.

"I'd rather he went home to his wife where he belongs," he complained. "She's about to have his kid." There was a break in the conversation as he stopped to gather his thoughts and then he added, "This just ain't like him. You sayin' it don't bother you?"

"Of course not, James," she assured him, dropping her voice so that Jack had to strain his ears to make out the rest, "but whatever happened is between him and Kate. It's up to them to work it out."

Her words were followed by another lengthy pause. "You're right," Sawyer agreed at last. "Still, don't you think we oughta send someone over to check on her?"

As strange as was for him not to be the one to take care of her – as much as he wanted to stride back across the lawn and slip into bed with her and feel her settle into his arms – Jack he couldn't make himself get up off the couch.

"If Jack says she's fine then I'm sure she's fine," Juliet was assuring Sawyer. "She's probably asleep by now but I'll stop by first thing tomorrow."

* * *

True to her word, after leaving her own house the next morning, Juliet set off along the path to the Shephard's, which lay in the opposite direction to the motor pool.

She rapped on the door and waited in case Kate was indisposed, but when moments passed without any sign of her she began to get worried.

When she tried the handle she found that it was unlocked. "Kate?" she called as she let herself inside. She wasn't in the living room or in the kitchen so she decided to try the nursery next but that was empty too. Maybe she'd gone down to the cafeteria for breakfast.

At the end of the hall, the door to the master bedroom was ajar; Juliet pushed it open cautiously and poked her head inside. "There you are," she said when she spotted Kate curled on her side in the middle of the bed, still wearing an apron over her dress. Her eyes were pink and swollen from crying, her knees drawn up in front of her, arms circling her rounded belly, but to Juliet's relief she didn't appear to be in any physical pain.

"I heard about what happened with Jack," she told her gently, perching on the end of the mattress. "Did it have anything to do with what we talked about yesterday?"

If Juliet's presence in her bedroom surprised her, she didn't show it. Instead, she remained motionless, her gaze fixed on the empty pillow beside hers. "I told him the truth just like you said and now he hates me," she replied in a hollow voice and despite what she'd said to James about getting involved, Juliet felt her heart go out to her. When she'd suggested to Kate that she come clean, she hadn't anticipated that it would turn out like this.

"He doesn't hate you, Kate," she assured her, doing her best to sound sympathetic despite how ridiculous what she'd just said was. Jack had been in love with Kate for as long as she'd known him: that was why she'd decided to let him go in the end. She couldn't imagine him ever not loving her. After all, from what Kate had told her, the baby was definitely his.

"Yes, he does," she insisted, refusing to be comforted. "He won't even talk to me."

"He's just upset," Juliet tried again even though she could tell that she was too deep in her self-pity to listen to reason. "I'm sure he'll come around." He had to. "He's your husband. You're carrying his child."

Kate shook her head slightly, her eyes filling up with fresh tears. "He doesn't want her."

"He said that?" Juliet pressed, unable to hide her scepticism. Jack had been so involved in Kate's pregnancy from the beginning: just yesterday he stopped by the garage to share his concerns that she was overdoing it; even though she made Juliet promise not to mention her headaches to him, he seemed to have sensed that she wasn't well.

"According to him, this—" Kate patted her bump, her voice betraying the first sign of animation that Juliet had seen from her since she'd entered the room "—has nothing to do with him. He's just the donor."

"And you took him literally?" She was supposed to know him better than anyone. Surely she could tell when he was bluffing? "Kate, Jack loves you. _Both_ of you. Whatever he said, he didn't mean it. You have to believe that."

There had to be a way for her to set things right between them. "You know, he's staying with James and I at the moment. Maybe we could arrange a time for you to come over and—"

"Thanks, Juliet," Kate cut in before she could finish, "but I'm not sure ambushing him is the best way to convince him that he can trust me."

She closed her eyes as if hoping that when she opened them again, Juliet would be gone and she would be left alone to wallow in peace. "So that's it?" Juliet asked her. "You're just going to give up and admit defeat?" Jack wasn't the only one not acting like himself: she'd never known Kate to lie down and take anything, especially where Jack was concerned. "What about the baby? Don't you think she would want you to keep trying?"

"I can't make him be her father," she said softly. "If he comes back, it has to be his choice."

She had a point: now that he had all of the facts, it was up to Jack to decide what he wanted to do with them. "Well, there's nothing you can do about it right now," Juliet agreed, holding out her hand to help her up, "but you still need to eat, so why don't you let me fix you some breakfast?"

* * *

"Here," Sawyer called, tossing something white and cylindrical at Jack.

"You do remember that I'm a recovering alcoholic?" he said when he caught it and saw what it was.

He was reluctant to impose on them another night, but he couldn't bring himself to go home yet, so he was sitting on the swing set outside the schoolroom, thinking about his daughter… or son, if that was what she turned out to be. For months he hadn't been able to walk past it without feeling a thrill of excitement as he imagined spending time with her there, but all of the hopes he'd had for the future were tainted now. More than anything, he wanted them back.

"You didn't seem to care about that last night," Sawyer reminded him, dropping into the swing beside him. He pulled the tab on the can still in his hands and took a long swig.

"Is this some kind of intervention?" Jack asked him, eyeing his own beer dubiously as he tried to determine whether or not he expected him to drink it. If he did, would he be proving whatever point he was trying to make?

"I ain't here to bust your ass for drinkin', Jack," Sawyer assured him. "That's Kate's job. I just thought you might like to share a beer with me, seeings as you're already off the wagon."

While the offer was tempting, Jack didn't trust himself to stop at just one so he placed it on the ground at his feet. He was still ashamed of the way he'd behaved the night before. He hadn't set out to get drunk when he left the house; just like the last time, all he'd wanted was something to take the edge off, until his mind quieted and he felt comfortable in his own skin again.

"I know what you and Juliet must think of me," he began, suddenly overcome by the need to explain himself, "but you should also know that what happened between us... I keep going over it in my head, trying to figure out what I did to deserve it when the truth is, I don't think I did." All he'd done was remind her that Aaron didn't belong to her. He'd never said anything about her giving him up. "I think she did it for herself and now she's using me to justify it."

"You know, you oughta give the woman some credit," Sawyer argued, jumping to Kate's defense just like Jack had come to expect. "I mean look at her. She turned into Holly Housewife for you."

It was at moments like this that he remembered that Sawyer didn't know Kate as well as he did. He'd never seen her with Aaron, so it was difficult for him to understand the side of her that put motherhood ahead of everything else, including him. "She didn't turn into anything for me," he corrected him. "Believe it or not, Sawyer, but Kate quit her job because she wanted to." The only reason he'd encouraged her to take her maternity leave early was because Juliet had told them that her health – and the life of their unborn child – could be at risk if she didn't find a way to get her blood pressure under control. Otherwise he wouldn't have cared if she'd decided to keep working right up until she was due to give birth. "It's not like I keep her chained to the stove."

Sawyer took another pull of his beer before speaking again. "Look, what she did was wrong – she knows that," he said finally, cutting straight to the chase. "But that don't mean she deserves to be humiliated."

Jack wanted to ask him how much Kate had told him, but instead he repeated, "Humiliated? Who said anything about me humiliating her?" No matter how angry he was at her, he had too much respect for her to go airing their dirty laundry in public.

"People're already talkin' about you and how quickly the two'a you got together," Sawyer explained. "You think they won't talk about this too? You know how many folks here're divorced?"

Jack shook his head.

"None. So if you're gonna put her – and your kid – through all'a that you better make damn sure that that's really what you want."

The last thing Jack wanted was another divorce – especially when it meant not seeing his child every day – but he didn't know if he could stay married to a woman who'd betrayed him either. "She used me and then she lied about it," he insisted. She could have told him the truth at the same time she told him that she was pregnant but instead she'd allowed him to believe that they were both on the same page. "Are you saying I should just let that go because of what people might think?"

"I'm sayin' that of all the men in the world, she chose you," Sawyer continued. "There must be a reason for that. So before you go crucifyin' her – and screwin' up all three'a your lives – don't you think you should at least let her tell you what that reason is?"

* * *

Next chapter: Kate tries again to talk to Jack but will he listen this time? ;)


	16. Chapter 16

Thanks for the reviews. The latest episode has me inspired so I'm going to try to update Destiny as well this week. ;)

* * *

Chapter 16.

Kate hadn't seen Jack since he walked out, so she wasn't sure what to do when she turned the corner to find him coming up the path from the opposite direction; his eyes met hers briefly before he glanced away and she was sure that he was going to walk past her without acknowledging that he'd seen her, but to her surprise he stopped, waiting for her to arrive at the place where he was standing.

"Hey," he called when she approached him with a tentative smile.

"Hey," she echoed, trying not to appear stunned by his greeting. On an ordinary day, she would have snuck a quick kiss from him if she'd met him on the path like this, but nothing about this situation was ordinary; she folded her arms over the shelf of her belly to solve the problem of what to do with them. "I was just on my way to meet Juliet. We're having lunch in the cafeteria."

They'd been apart for less than three days and already she missed him so much that it was like a physical ache. She couldn't ask him to pretend that nothing had changed, but maybe they could still at least try to be friends. "You're welcome to join us," she told him, as nervous all of a sudden as if she were asking him out on their first date, despite the fact that that just two days ago they were as intimately involved as two people could be. "I hear Hurley's making baked potato skins."

Her heart sank when he shifted uncomfortably, shoving his hands deep into the pockets of his jumpsuit. "Thanks, but the sub is coming back in this afternoon and I told Horace I'd help supervise the unloading."

As disappointed as she was, she tried to console herself with the thought that it wasn't a definite rejection of her. He'd just been given a promotion and with that came new responsibilities: maybe he really was just busy. "Looks like you've really made an impression on him. You'll be running this place before long," she teased him, succeeding in eliciting an embarrassed chuckle from him.  
"It's not really a big deal, Kate," he insisted. "It's just basic supplies."

"Still, I'm happy for you," she told him seriously. "It's nice to see you being appreciated."

"How's the…?" He nodded at her belly – the proverbial elephant in the room – breaking some of the tension between them as they waited to see which one of them would bring it up first.

She was glad that it was him. It gave her hope that he'd had a change of heart and might still want to be involved in their child's life even if they weren't together. "Good."

"Mind if I…?" He held out his hand but didn't make contact and she forced herself to swallow her hurt at the realisation that he was treating her with the same polite interest that he did his patients.

"Of course not," she assured him. He'd never asked her for permission before. Somehow it felt wrong. "Go ahead."

He tore his eyes away from hers, averting them to her belly as he placed one of his palms on either side of side of it. "She been kicking today?" he asked, probing it gently, glancing back up at her in mild alarm when moments passed without any external sign of movement.

"She was this morning, but she seems to be taking a break now," she agreed, pleased that in spite of everything he'd said, he couldn't help acting like a father. "I think it must be her naptime. She's saving her energy for tonight when she's gonna drive Mommy crazy." She addressed this last part to their daughter, feeling her shift as though in response.

Jack's expression softened into a smile. "In a few more weeks she'll be too big to move around as much as she is now," he told her.

By then it would almost be time for her to give birth, and then what? Would Jack still want to be there? She didn't know if she could do it without him, especially if the baby was as early as Juliet had warned them she might be.

And then when she was finally healthy enough for them to bring home? If she even made it that far? The thought of handing her only child over to Jack for a night, a weekend, a week, of not being with them, was almost unbearable. Getting pregnant was supposed to ease the pain that had engulfed her since she left Aaron at the motel, but instead all it had done was give her another family that she could lose.

Juliet was right when she told her that she needed to keep trying, to see if she could reach him this time. "Jack, I…" she began, struggling to find the right words to describe how remorseful she was: not just for what she'd done, but for the way she'd lashed out at him. "When I said—"

He withdrew his hands and took a step back, shaking his head slowly. "I'm sorry, Kate. I'm glad you and the baby are both doing okay but that doesn't mean that we are. I need time to process this."

"Oh," she whispered, too mortified to come up with a more intelligible response. "I just thought…" She shook her head, struggling to hold herself together despite the tears that threatened to spill over onto her cheeks. "So what happens now? Are we separated? Do you want a divorce?" A hopeless sob bubbled up in her throat and she almost choked on the word. They were supposed to celebrate their three-month anniversary next week: it couldn't be over yet, could it? That would have to make it one of the shortest marriages in history. At least for 1977.

"I don't know," he confessed and she felt her heart sink because it wasn't the denial that she was hoping for. He stared at her for a long moment, seemingly unsure what else there was left to say. "I should go." He jerked his thumb in the direction of the docks. "Horace is waiting for me."

She nodded, swallowing hard until she trusted herself to speak. "Well, let me know if you find any Twinkies," she told him, flashing him a watery smile as he prepared to move off. "I never even liked them that much before but lately they're all I can think about."

* * *

Jack was still thinking about his encounter with Kate as he took inventory of the crates he and the other men had pulled from the sub, checking the contents off against the list on his clipboard to make sure that everything had arrived safely. He wasn't lying when he said he didn't have time to eat lunch with her, but he could have offered to catch up with her later. It wasn't that what she'd done to him was unforgivable – until two days ago, his life had been pretty near perfect – it was that he didn't trust himself to be around her and not give in to whatever she wanted regardless of his own feelings. One look, one touch from her and he lost all powers of rational thought, as evidenced by how easily she'd been able to seduce him.

The whole time he was worried that he was taking advantage of her, he was the one being taken advantage of. After spending weeks begging her to return even one of his phone calls, he should have guessed that she had an ulterior motive for letting him bed her; if he hadn't been so desperate to believe that she missed him as much as he missed her then maybe he would have.

As he pried the lid off another crate, his eyes were drawn to a bundle of cellophane wrapped packages near the top. "Would you mind if I took some of these?" he asked Horace, turning one over in his hands.

"Got a bit of a sweet tooth, have you there, Jack?" Horace joked when he glanced over and saw what he was holding.

"Actually, they're for Kate," he explained, not sure why it was so important for him to get them to her except that it made his chest hurt remembering her expression when he told her that he needed space. She looked so sad and beaten down. More than anything he wanted to find a way to trust her – and himself – again. "Apparently the baby wants Twinkies."

"Ah," Horace agreed knowingly. "Help yourself."

"Thanks." Jack gathered a handful of the cakes and slid them into the pockets of his jumpsuit. Maybe he would pay her a visit after work, he decided, the corners of his mouth lifting into a smile as he imagined her face lighting up when he showed them to her. If nothing else, she was still the mother of his child.

"When Amy was pregnant with Ethan she had this thing about fresh strawberries," Horace told him as he watched him pick up the crate and carry it over to the van waiting to take the food up to the cafeteria. "Of course they don't come in season until June. Really kept me on my toes." He grinned at the memory. "Do you know what you're having yet? Amy has her heart set on it being a boy so Ethan'll have another playmate."

As much as he liked Horace and his wife, Jack wasn't sure how he felt about sending his child on playdates with the man who'd abducted his sister and nephew. With any luck, they would both make other friends and he wouldn't have to. "No," he admitted, pushing it into the back with the others. "But I keep telling Kate that it's gonna be a girl."

"What does she think it is?"

Jack wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand as he straightened. "She thinks we should leave it up to the experts," he explained with a grin, taking a sip from the canteen Horace offered him, "which is funny because before I was always the sceptic."

"You know," Horace said, sitting down on one of the unopened crate with the bottle still in his hands and gesturing for Jack to do the same, "when you and Kate first came to me and told me you wanted to get married, I had reservations. You'd been seeing each other for such a short time, and with the added stress of a baby… I didn't think it would last."

As he followed Horace's lead, seating himself in the open doorway of the van, Jack wondered why he was telling him this. Did he know that he'd moved out? Was he about to say 'I told you so'?

"But now, you have me convinced," he continued. "The way you talk about her – it's like the two of you've been together forever. And I see now that that's the way it's meant to be. You were meant to come here, to find her. I only wish I'd been that sure of what I wanted back when I first met Amy. Then maybe she would've chosen me first instead of Paul."

Jack wished he could say that it was that easy, but he hadn't always been sure. He'd almost lost Kate to Sawyer and then again when he began to doubt himself and now that they were here again he was beginning to wonder if it wasn't a sign that some people just weren't meant to be together. "What're you saying?" he asked him. "That you think Kate and I are soul mates?" There was a time that he'd believed that himself, but once again she'd made him question that faith. He wished he could be sure that she loved him the way he loved her, that he wasn't just convenient, like he had been that night.

Horace grinned as he set the canteen down and stood, signalling that it was time get back to work. "Something like that," he agreed.

* * *

Night had fallen by the time they got everything off the submarine, but rather than hitch a ride back in one of the vans with Horace, Jack opted to walk, to give himself time to think. His conversation with Horace had left him with the urge to see Kate, so rather than head to Sawyer and Juliet's as he had the last two nights, he decided to go home to his own house instead, hoping that being there with her again would help him figure out what he wanted.

As it finally came into view, he noticed that all of the lights were off inside, so figuring that she must have turned in early, he headed straight for their bedroom, determined to wake her up so that he could talk to her, but the bed was still neatly made and there was no other sign of her there.

She must have gone out, he thought, but as he passed through the kitchen, the sight of food and utensils strewn across the bench, as though she'd rushed off in the middle of cooking dinner, filled him with apprehension.

When he went back outside, he saw Sawyer striding down the path of their front door, walkie in hand. "Sawyer, have you seen Kate?" he asked him.

What he expected him to say was that she was down at the cafeteria or the games room with the rest of their friends and to insist that he stop being a jackass and come join them; he was taken aback by the hostility in his tone as he snapped, "Where the hell've you been? Me and Miles've been lookin' all over for you."

He was only the janitor: why would anyone care if he disappeared for a while? Unless… "Did something happen?" he demanded, cold fingers of dread wrapping around his heart. "Where's Kate? Is she okay?" When he ran into her earlier, she'd told him that the baby wasn't kicking. What if…?

His worst fears were confirmed when Sawyer explained in the same terse voice, "_Your wife_ is in the infirmary. Jules is with her. She says she's havin' contractions and if she can't stop them, she's gonna have to deliver the baby tonight…"

* * *

Next chapter: Jack visits Kate in the infirmary... ;)


	17. Chapter 17

Thanks for the reviews. I'm awful, I know, but Jack needed a wake up call to remind him of what was really important. ;)

* * *

Chapter 17.

"She's only 23 weeks pregnant," Jack insisted. When he'd last practised medicine that was _just_ considered viable. He had no idea what the age of viability was back in 1977. Probably not until closer to thirty weeks. "How can she be having the baby now?"

"You're the doctor," Sawyer reminded him, clearly losing patience with his questions. "But you better get your ass over there before she does."

Jack didn't need to be told twice. He took off at a sprint, ducking and weaving around the people who sprang up in his path. The thought of missing his child's birth was bad enough, but if she died and he wasn't there… He would never forgive himself and he knew that Kate wouldn't either.

His lungs were burning by the time he thundered up the stairs onto the porch and flung open the doors. "How is she?" he demanded, doubling over with his hands on his knees while he recovered his breath.

It took a moment for him to register the fact that the infirmary was deserted except for Juliet, who was calmly storing things away in the supply closet. "What happened?" he asked her, not sure whether he should be distressed or relieved when he noticed that the incubator in the corner was empty since it could only mean one of two things. "Are they okay?"

"I gave her a shot of terbutaline to try to head off her labour," Juliet explained, "and so far it seems to be working. It's been almost twenty minutes since her last contraction. She's resting now but if you want, you can go through and see her. I'm not sure if James told you but she's been asking for you since we brought her in."

He swallowed against the bitter lump in his throat on hearing that while he was off nursing his wounded pride, trying to decide whether or not he should give her a second chance, she was crying out for him and the guilt that he felt for brushing her off earlier intensified.

"Now that you're here, I'm going to go over to the cafeteria to see if they still have anything left from dinner," Juliet told him. "You want anything?"

He shook his head. "No thanks." He still felt sick to his stomach.

She gave his shoulder a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "Then I'll be back to check on her in a little while," she promised as she ducked out.

The bed furtherest from the door had been cordoned off with white screens, forming a kind of private hospital room; as Jack approached, his ears were filled with the steady _blip_ emanating from the foetal heart monitor hooked up to Kate's belly and seeing how peaceful she looked, he finally allowed himself to relax.

He didn't want to disturb her now that she was asleep so he pulled up a chair and put his hand over hers, careful not to upset the IV that was replacing the meal he should have been eating with her right now.

"I didn't think you were gonna make it," she said softly, her lips curling into a smile and he realised that she was awake.

"Neither did I," he agreed. "But I'm here now." He tightened his grip on her hand. "How're you feeling?"

"Still a little shaken up," she confessed. "More than anything though, I'm just relieved. She's not the only one who isn't ready." She opened her eyes. "I wanna tell you again how sorry I am." Her look was almost desperate, begging him to believe her. "I never meant to hurt you like that."

He laid his palm against her cheek, stroking in delicately. "Don't worry about it," he told her. "You just concentrate on keeping her healthy."

He could tell by her sceptical look that this wasn't the response she'd been expecting. "Really? That's it? You're not gonna make me grovel? Because I will, Jack," she vowed seriously.

While it was nice to know that she was prepared to do whatever it took to stop him from leaving again, all he wanted now was to put the past behind them and focus on their family: their future. "That's it," he agreed. "When Sawyer told me what happened, all I could think about was how we might lose her and I realised that I don't care how she got here – all that matters now is _her_." It was hard to believe now that he'd ever considered turning his back on her, on _them_. "I love you, Kate."

By that time, they were both on the brink of tears. "I love you too, Jack," she told him, half laughing, half crying as he leant over her to seal their reconciliation with a kiss.

"I have to show you something," she told him when they pulled back. She fumbled in the drawer of the nightstand, her fingers closing on a small rectangular piece of paper, drawing it to her chest while she finished explaining. "Juliet did another ultrasound to make sure everything was okay and I guess the baby wasn't ready this time because she finally managed to get a clear shot." She was almost vibrating with excitement as she held it out to him and taking it from her, he saw that it was a black and white print out of the scan.

Unlike the picture they had framed in their living room at home, this one was magnified to display just the lower half. "Is that…?" He couldn't keep the astonishment from his face as he glanced back up at her.

"Yeah," she agreed happily. "You were right."

"It's a girl?" Believing it was one thing, but actually having it confirmed… That made it real.

"Sydney," she agreed with a meaningful look.

As much as he loved the name and the story behind it, he didn't want her to concede to it just because she felt guilty. "I know you feel like you have to make it up to me…"

"I'm not," she insisted. "I've been thinking a lot about it since the other night and you were right about that too. It's the perfect name for her." She smiled down at her belly, rubbing the exposed skin. "She feels like a Sydney."

Today had only strengthened his belief that she was meant to exist, that someone or something was protecting her. "Sydney Shephard," he tried, deciding that he liked the alliteration.

He remembered then that he still hadn't given her his own surprise. "I have something for you too," he told her, reaching into the pockets of his jumpsuit and depositing the cakes – now only slightly worse for wear – on top of the blankets. "These were in one of the crates on the sub."

He wasn't sure whether it was vanilla or chocolate that she was craving so he'd brought her some of each. "Chocodiles!" she cried, picking one up. "I didn't even know they still made those. I haven't had one since I was a kid."

"Well then today is your lucky day," he agreed with a smile, enjoying her childlike delight as she unwrapped it and took a huge bite. Juliet would probably be pissed with him when she came back, for allowing her to eat solid food while she was still on an IV, but he would deal with that later.

"What about you? Did you ever eat these?" she asked him through a mouthful of Twinkie.

Not that he could recall. "Maybe once a long time ago."

"Here." She held one out to him. "Take it."

"They're yours," he argued, pushing it back towards her. "I got them for you."

"You have to at least try it," she insisted, waving it at him. "You're about to become a dad and your daughter is gonna want to eat this kind of crap so you better get used to it."

"Fine," he agreed, huffing out a mock exasperated sigh. "Give it here." She handed it over and he made a show of tearing off the wrapper and stuffing it into his mouth. "Happy?" It was actually much better than he thought it would be.

To his amusement, the action seemed to startle her; she began laughing so hard that she had to force herself to swallow before she choked. "Very," she agreed.

* * *

Next chapter: I want to wrap this up soon so now that things are resolved between them I think I might just skip ahead to the birth... ;)


	18. Chapter 18

Thanks for the reviews. I'm thinking there will be one more chapter after this and then the usual epilogue. ;)

* * *

Chapter 18.

"Pink or yellow?" Kate asked Jack, waving a pair of newborn onesies at him.

He paused in the doorway long enough to glance from one to the other before deciding. "Pink."

They were packing to take the sub back to Ann Arbour, where they would be staying until after the baby arrived. Though the birth itself was expected to take place in the same hospital the other women were sent to deliver, they still wanted Juliet there, just in case, so they'd arranged for her to meet them over there when it got closer to Kate's due date.

"But what if Juliet got it wrong?" Kate said, lowering them to her sides. "We can't introduce our son to our friends wearing _pink_." What would they say? It was the seventies, when homophobia was still rampant. She didn't want to risk scarring him for life.

Jack was grinning as he joined her in the nursery with a stack of cloth diapers she'd washed ready to take with them. "I've seen the ultrasounds, Kate, and that is definitely a girl," he assured her, placing them inside the suitcase. "But if you don't believe me, just go with the yellow." He opened the dresser drawer and pulled out a third option. "Or better yet – white."

He tossed it to her and she held it up while she examined it critically.

"I don't know why you're getting so worked up when it doesn't even matter," he said. "She's not gonna remember what we bring her home in."

"It does matter, Jack," she insisted, even though she wasn't sure she would ever be able to make him understand why: that somehow whether or not they brought their baby home healthy and safe was entirely dependant on her choosing the right outfit. "I just want everything to go smoothly."

"And it will," he told her, finally seeming to realise that it was about more than just appearances. "In a few weeks we're gonna be back here with our baby girl and you will've forgotten that we even had this conversation."

His words were meant to comfort her, but she knew that they wouldn't be sending them over two months early if they didn't think she was at risk of further complications. "You heard what Juliet said. If I go into labour again now, they won't try to stop it." Even though she hadn't felt any more contractions since Juliet discharged her from the infirmary, she was so afraid of it happening again that whenever the baby stopped moving in the middle of the night she would wake Jack up so that he could coax her into kicking for them.

"She also said the odds of Sydney surviving if she's born in a hospital with a NICU are very good," he reminded her.

She almost smiled at the way he'd referred to her by name, until a new fear occurred to her. "What if it happens on the sub?" She would be better off taking her chances on the island, where they at least had an incubator.

"You'll go crazy if you keep asking yourself questions like that." He took the onesie from her and dropped it into the suitcase with the rest of the baby's things. "Now hurry up, or we're gonna to miss it and then we'll _really_ have a reason to worry."

She still had to finish sorting through her own clothes. "Fine." She sighed, closing the lid. "White it is."

* * *

"She's here," Kate announced, peeking out through the blinds as a hideous green station wagon with wooden side panels pulled into the drive. She watched Juliet climb out of the passenger side, followed by the familiar form of the driver. "And it looks like she brought Sawyer with her."

"Good thing there's plenty of room," Jack said, joining her at the window.

At more than thirty-six weeks pregnant, it was becoming increasingly to for Kate to get around, so while he went out to meet them, she followed at a slower pace, holding onto the handrail as she descended the porch steps.

"You look like you're ready to pop," Sawyer called to her from across the lawn.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jack issue him with a silent warning, shaking his head and drawing a hand across his throat.

"What he means is you look beautiful," Juliet translated, even though Kate knew that that wasn't what he was saying at all. He was wondering what happened to the sexy woman he'd coveted on the island. She often asked herself the same thing. As much as she loved being pregnant, she was beginning to miss her old body and the ease with which it had allowed her to move.

"Not long to go now," Juliet said, embracing her while the men shook hands. "You nervous?"

"Terrified," she agreed. She was trying not to think about how badly it would hurt.

"Hey, Jack," Juliet said, moving on to greet him next.

When it was their turn, Sawyer stepped forward to hug Kate, only to jump back when her belly touched his. "What the hell was that?" he asked, staring down at it in horror as though expecting some kind of alien creature to come bursting out of it.

"Someone was saying hello," Kate told him with a laugh, rubbing the spot where she felt her daughter kick. "It means she likes you."

Jack helped him get their bags out of the trunk and together they carried them up to the house. "Why don't we give you the tour?" he said once they were all gathered on the porch.

He took them through each room of their temporary living quarters – which were arguably nicer than the ones they'd left behind on the island – starting with the living room, with its thick shag pile carpet, and ending with the guest room where they would be sleeping.

"This place is great," Sawyer remarked, kicking off his boots and flopping down on the edge of the mattress to test its firmness. "The only thing missing is a home theatre system."

Whoever arranged it all had even installed a crib in the master bedroom; inside they'd found a gift basket full of powders and creams and other items that they would need, along with a note congratulating them on their new arrival.

If there was one thing Kate had learned during her time with the Dharma Initiative, it was that they really took care of their own.

"We'll let you get settled and then tonight we were thinking we'd all go out to dinner and maybe see a movie or something afterwards," Jack suggested as they prepared to leave them to their own devices. They hadn't been out on the town much themselves, for obvious reasons, but after almost seven years of being stuck on the island, they figured that Juliet would be eager to get back to civilisation.

"Do you have any idea how long it's been since I ate at a real restaurant?" she asked, warming to the plan even more than they'd predicted. "With tablecloths and wait staff? Or went to a shopping mall?" Kate couldn't recall a time when she'd seen her so excited about anything. She was one of the most composed people that she'd ever met.

She wondered if Sawyer could either when she caught him watching Juliet with unmasked affection. "So how about it? You think you could hold that kid in a few more weeks?" he teased Kate and she rolled her eyes.

"I'll do my best," she agreed.

* * *

"Let's see what's showing in 1978," Juliet said that evening, once the waiter had cleared away their plates, pulling the newspaper towards her. She opened it at the back, skimming the pages until she found what she was looking for. "Would you believe it? The original _Star Wars_ is _still_ playing."

"I thought Hurley said it came out last year?" Kate asked, leaning in to read the advertisement – where it was listed with a bunch of others that she'd never heard of – over her shoulder. That was why he'd gone ahead and written the sequel, only as far as she knew, he'd never told anyone except his fellow time travellers about it.

"This is not going to work," Sawyer announced and both women turned to stare at him in confusion.

Jack was the only one who seemed to understand what he was talking about. "Why didn't you say so before?" he chimed in.

"I _did_ say so before," Sawyer finished and to Kate's surprise, they grinned at each other.

"What're you boys doing?" she asked, mystified by the exchange, glancing from one to the other as she waited for them to explain.

"Don't tell me you never saw _Star Wars_?" Sawyer insisted.

"It's only the best movie _ever_," Jack agreed.

After almost four years together on and off, how could she not know this about him? Then again, he had bought Aaron all those _Star Wars_ toys… "Not since I was a kid," she admitted. She remembered her dad taking her to see to it during one of the many re-releases, right before her parents got divorced. She must have been five years old at the time.

"You've seen it, haven't you, Jules?" Sawyer asked Juliet, slinging his arm across the back of her chair.

"Once, when I was in college," she agreed. "This cute guy from my Organic Chemistry class invited me over to watch it with him and some of his friends."

"What a great story," Sawyer cut in before she could say any more about it, and to Kate's amusement, she realised that he was actually _jealous_. He covered this by pretending to be absorbed by the paper. "Next showin's in twenty minutes."

"Well then that settles it," Jack said, signalling for the waiter to bring over the check.

* * *

Two hours later, they were sitting in the darkened cinema, watching Han Solo, Luke and Chewbacca rescue Princess Leia from the Death Star. Kate was having trouble finding a comfortable position in the stiff seat so Jack folded the armrest away to make room for her to lie on her side with her head in his lap, absently massaging her back.

Normally this action would have been enough to put her to sleep, regardless of where they were, but not tonight.

"You okay?" he asked, tearing his eyes from the screen when she tried to push herself up.

"I just need to stretch my legs," she explained and with his help, she managed to get to her feet.

When she slipped out of the theatre, the lobby was empty except for the bored looking teenager behind the ticket counter. She paced from one side to the other and back again a couple of times but that didn't seem to help, she made her way to the bench a few feet from the entrance.

She didn't realise that Juliet had followed her until she felt her sit down beside her. "Hey."

"You didn't have to come out here," Kate told her. It was a relief not to have to talk to anyone.

"Don't tell James, but I never really got _Star Wars_," Juliet confessed.

"Me either," Kate agreed, laughing despite herself. Apparently it required having a Y chromosome. "I mean what exactly is Chewbacca supposed to be?"

She was trying to put on a brave face, but just as she expected, Juliet saw through it. "You're having contractions, aren't you?" she asked after a moment.

"Yeah," Kate agreed, deciding that there was no sense in denying it when she'd probably guessed that she was in labour before she had.

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Because I know Jack." He was so protective of her. "As soon as I told him, he'd insist on driving me to the hospital and so far they're about ten minutes apart, so we still have plenty of time." She wrapped her arm around her belly, squeezing her eyes shut as she felt the muscles tighten again.

"Kate?"

"Never do this to yourself," she moaned through gritted teeth when the pain subsided enough for her to speak. She was beginning to think that _this_, more than anything, was her punishment.

Instead of saying something comforting, about how it would all be worth it soon, Juliet just smiled to herself.

"Wait, are you pregnant?" Kate asked her, forgetting her discomfort for a moment, and Juliet's smile grew. "When did this happen?"

"About eight weeks ago," she confessed. "I didn't know for sure until a few days before I was supposed to leave. That's why James decided to come with me."

It was difficult for Kate to imagine him reacting positively to the news after the way he'd handled their pregnancy scare. Then again, he'd changed a lot since then. "What did he say when you told him?" she asked.

"He's excited," Juliet agreed. "I think he likes the idea of being a father. He never had much in the way of a family."

After everything that happened with Clementine, it was nice to see that he was finally willing to try. "He really loves you," Kate told her. He wouldn't be facing his fear for her if he didn't.

Juliet grinned. "I know."

With Juliet due some time around the end of the year, their babies would be about the same age, born only seven or eight months apart. "Hey, maybe you guys will have a boy and our kids will grow up and get married," Kate joked. "Jack would love that." She could just see the look on his face when his only daughter came home and told him she that was dating Sawyer's son.

"James would too." Juliet's smile faded when Kate doubled over with the next contraction. "That definitely wasn't ten minutes."

It was by far the strongest yet. This was definitely it. "I think you should get Jack now," Kate told her.

* * *

Who else has a hard time buying Sawyer not knowing who Anakin Skywalker is? xD

Next chapter: The joys of seventies childbirth. ;)


	19. Chapter 19

Thanks for the reviews. Even though I've been planning this chapter for over a year, it was still one of the hardest to write, mostly due to the amount of research that went into it. (Please remember that when the time comes to leave a comment. ;)) Based on what I've read, the main difference between childbirth then and now is the amount of choice women (and their partners) were given. In the 1970s, hospital births were still treated like any other surgical procedure, which meant doctors and nurses had the final say in everything that happened. ;)

* * *

Chapter 19.

"I'll park the car," Sawyer offered, braking in front of the hospital. "You guys just go."

"Thanks." Jack scrambled out of the back, then turned to help Kate while Juliet passed on instructions to Sawyer about where to go once he got inside. "How're you doing?" Jack asked Kate, slipping his arm around her waist, allowing her to lean heavily on him as they made their way up the walk to the entrance, Juliet trailing a few steps behind.

Kate's water had broken all over the hideous beige upholstery on the drive over, which meant that her labour was now well and truly underway. "I've been better," she quipped, flashing him a weak smile before she got caught up in another contraction.

While he hated watching her suffer, knowing that there wasn't much he could do, he couldn't deny the fact that he was excited that tonight, they were finally going to meet their daughter. "It'll all be over soon."

As soon as they crossed the threshold, a young nurse in a white scrub dress and nurse's cap rushed forward to meet them. "We'll take it from here," she told Jack, guiding Kate into a wheelchair. She fired a series of questions at her, relaying the answers to the middle-aged nurse who appeared to be in charge.

A moment later, a doctor Jack guessed to be about his father's age appeared and the two of them held a hurried conference.

"I'm going to have to ask you to remain here," the doctor said when Jack moved to follow them through a set of double doors.

Kate looked back at him in alarm, reaching up to grasp his hand. "Don't leave me," she pleaded.

Assuming that they just needed him to go over some forms, he crouched down in front of her. "I'll be right behind you, okay?" he told her and she nodded. He dropped a lingering kiss on her damp forehead. "You just try to relax. You're gonna be great."

"I'm afraid that's against hospital regulations," the doctor announced, and for a moment Jack wondered if he meant kissing his wife.

"Excuse me?" he said, drawing himself back up to his full height. "What regulations?"

"Most of our labour rooms are shared," the doctor explained. "We don't permit men inside unless a request is made in advance."

"How far in advance?" he pressed. While he would be the first to admit that hospital rules were oppressive, in all the years that he'd practiced medicine, he'd never encountered anything like this one.

"Two to three months."

"Three _months_?!" Three months ago they weren't even sure Kate was going to the mainland. "My wife is giving birth _tonight_."

Sensing that he was about to become a problem, the young nurse who'd received them stepped in to diffuse the situation. "We can make the arrangements right now," she told him, going behind the nurses' station and picking up a clipboard. "Do you have your paperwork with you? We just need a copy of your marriage license and a certificate of completion for whatever birthing class you and your wife attended."

"We didn't take a birthing class," he admitted. All of a sudden, the jokes they'd made about Dharma Lamaze classes didn't seem so funny. "Why do you need to see our marriage license?" Married or not, he was still the father.

"If you can't produce the required documents then I'm sorry, but there are no men allowed past this point," the doctor reiterated, turning his back on him.

If he thought he could get rid of him that easily, he was wrong. "You're a man," Jack called after him.

"I'm a doctor," he corrected him with an air of superiority that Jack didn't like.

"So am I!" Before he could think about what he was doing, Jack had him by the lapels, slamming him up against the nurses' station.

"Sir, you need to calm down," he spluttered, struggling to pry his hands off.

"I'll calm downwhen you explain to me why I can't go in with my wife," Jack insisted, giving him another forceful shove, the impact sending sheets of paper flying. He heard Kate shout his name; somewhere deep inside he knew that he wasn't helping the situation, but if there was one thing he couldn't stand, it was feeling powerless. He was used to being the one calling the shots.

"Jack! Let him go!" Juliet cried, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and using it to haul him away.

The sudden loss of tension sent the doctor stumbling backwards into the desk. "Who's this?" he asked once he'd had time to dust himself off.

Juliet's eyes darted over to Kate. "I'm her sister," she lied.

"She can stay, but you need to leave and let me do my job," the doctor told Jack, fixing him with a hard look. "One of the nurses will show you to the waiting room. I suggest you go sit down before I call security to escort you."

* * *

"Okay, Mrs Shephard," the doctor announced once the nurses had transferred her from her bed in the labour room onto the table in the delivery room. "It's time for you to push."

Now that the moment had finally arrived, she wished she'd decided to stay on the island. "I changed my mind," she told Juliet. "I wanna do this at home." Or in the infirmary, or even the jungle if it meant having Jack by her side. He should be the one holding her hand, not Juliet. As appreciative as she was of her not wanting her to go through it alone, it just wasn't the same.

"Kate, you're in the active stage of labour," she reminded her, a note of desperation in her tone. "We probably wouldn't even make it to the parking lot."

"Please, Juliet," she sobbed in spite of the fact that she knew that even if she were capable of walking that far on her own, the nurses weren't about to let her leave. It was worse than the nights that she'd spent in jail. She felt like a prisoner all over again. "This isn't what I wanted." As far as birth plans went, hers was pretty simple. "He was supposed to be here. We were supposed to do this together." Even before she'd realised that she was in love with him, Jack was always her rock; she didn't know how she was going to get through it without him there to remind her to take a deep breath and count to five. Sawyer was right: she'd never really believed that she would have this baby without him, and now she had no choice.

"I know," Juliet told her, her own smile sad, "and I wish I could help you, but your baby is ready now, so you need to do what he says and push."

"I can't." The nurses had been pumping drugs into her ever since she arrived; the pain had helped her understand what was happening been replaced by a strange floating sensation that made it impossible for her to tell when the next contraction was, much less bear down along with it.

"Yes you can, Kate," Juliet insisted, misunderstanding what she was trying to tell her. "You can do this."

"No, I _can't_," she cried. She forced her body to comply, pushing as hard as she could without giving herself an aneurysm, but it didn't seem to be making any difference.

* * *

"Where does that guy get off giving me orders?" Jack raged, massaging his bruised knuckles with his free hand. After his encounter with Kate's doctor, all of his anger had to go somewhere, so as soon as the nurses were out of earshot, he'd punched the drywall behind him. "That is _my_ wife. _My_ daughter."

In the end, Sawyer hadn't had much trouble finding him; he claimed that he could hear him yelling all the way from the parking lot. "Look, I know how much you wanted to be there, Doc, but Jules is gonna take good care of 'em," he assured him. "Three years ago, when we first landed in Dharmaville, she made a vow that she wasn't gonna lose any more mothers or their babies. She ain't about to break it now."

"I wish I could believe you, but that's my whole family in there," Jack reminded him. While he had absolute faith in Juliet's abilities, she wasn't going to be the one performing the delivery.

"Mine too," Sawyer agreed. "That's right," he continued with a smirk when Jack turned to him in surprise. "You ain't the only one who's gonna be a daddy."

While Jack could picture Juliet as a mother, it was harder to imagine Sawyer as a father. "Congratulations, I guess," he told him, even though his heart wasn't in it. He sank into the chair beside him when it occurred to him that pacing wasn't going to move things along any faster. "So what if it was Juliet? Are you telling me you would be okay with being shut out?"

"I ain't saying I won't be goin' outta my mind," Sawyer allowed, "but when the time comes, I gotta trust that that quack knows what he's doin'."

* * *

An hour and a half later Kate still hadn't made much progress.

"Is it normal for it to take this long?" she asked Juliet between intervals of pushing. Somehow she'd just assumed that once it got started, the whole thing would be over in a matter of minutes. That was how it always was on TV.

"I would have done a c-section by now," Juliet agreed. "But I can see the head, so she isn't breeched. It could be that she's just a little sluggish from the sedatives they gave you."

"Great," Kate muttered, fighting back tears at the thought of the damage the drugs they'd been pushing on her must be doing to her baby. No wonder she was practically comatose.

Even though she'd been fully conscious the entire time, no one was talking to her except to bark orders at her. "What the hell is that?!" she demanded when one of the nurses placed an instrument that looked like a giant set of tweezers into the doctor's hands.

"Forceps," Juliet explained in the same low voice, and when Kate glanced over at her, she realised that she was almost _enjoying_ herself. It was like a lesson in medical history for her. "He's going to use them to pull the baby out."

"I thought they got rid of those?" she hissed.

"Most doctors use vacuum extraction now, but in 1978 it was still common practice," Juliet whispered. She gave Kate's hand a comforting squeeze. "The risks to the baby are minimal if the procedure is performed properly."

But Kate had heard enough horror stories about babies who'd ended up brain damaged or dead to know that she didn't want them anywhere near her daughter's fragile skull, even if it meant another hour and a half of pushing. "He is not touching her with those!" she insisted, trying to scoot backwards out of his reach when he bent over the table again without so much as a glance at her face, but a pair of nurses stepped forward to restrain her, pinning her shoulders while a third bound her wrists by her side with a pair of primitive looking arm straps. "Wait, what're you doing?" How was she going to hold her baby if her hands were tied?

"Call anaesthesia," the doctor ordered when this only succeeded in heightening her sense of panic and she began to struggle, trying to yank them free. "We're going to have to put her under."

"No!" She wanted to be awake when her baby was born, so that she could welcome her properly. She wanted her to be the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes. "Juliet?" She realised then that she was no longer standing beside her; searching the room for her, she managed to catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of her eye before she disappeared again, behind the cluster of nurses who were fighting to keep her still.

The last thing she was aware of was a pair of firm hands gripping her head while an anaesthetic mask was forced down over her nose and mouth and then everything faded to black.

* * *

By the time Juliet emerged from the delivery room, Jack was so desperate for news that he pounced on her before she could even take the chair that Sawyer had been saving for her. "What happened? Are they okay?" He'd tried asking the nurses for updates, but they wouldn't tell him anything, except that the doctor would be with him as soon as he could. He was beginning to wonder if anyone in this hospital actually understood how babies were made.

"I'm not going to lie to you – it was hard on her," Juliet told him, "but she's tough. You would've been proud of her."

Just hearing how brave she was made him smile. "When can I see her?"

"They're moving her to recovery now," she explained. "From what I've heard, she should be allowed visitors then."

"And the baby?"

"I didn't get a very good look at her before they took her away, but I did hear five pounds, eleven ounces. And she already has a full head of hair. She couldn't be more perfect," she assured him and he felt his face split into a grin so wide it made his cheeks hurt.

* * *

Kate was still drowsy from the anaesthetic when he was finally allowed into her room. "Hey," he greeted her, stroking the hair back from her face as he stooped over her to place a gentle kiss on her lips. "Juliet says you were amazing in there."

"I don't really remember much of what happened," she admitted, patting the space beside her. "It's all a little fuzzy." He sat down on edge of the bed, wrapping her in an embrace. "Have you been to the nursery yet? How does she look?"

Her question took him by surprise. "You haven't seen her?" The first few hours were crucial to the bonding process; he figured they would have brought her in for a visit by now.

"She was gone when I woke up," she explained. "They wouldn't even let me feed her." Her expression clouded with anger. "I'm not going through that again. We're definitely choosing a home birth next time."

"Next time?" he teased her. "Don't tell me you're thinking about that already?" After what Juliet had told him, he'd assumed that she'd be put off having another baby any time in the next thirty years.

"Weren't you the one who said she should have a sibling?" she reminded him, lifting her head with a tired smile and he grinned, kissing her again softly.

"Ahem." He pulled back from her in time to see one of the nurses bustle in carrying a pink bundle. "There's someone here who would like to meet you."

Kate could barely contain her eagerness as she settled the baby in her waiting arms. There was a red ring-shaped bruise on her cheek from the forceps the doctor used to deliver her; watching Kate press her lips against it, gently soothing the delicate skin, Jack couldn't imagine how it would be possible for him to love her any more than he did right then.

"I can't believe she's finally here," she breathed once the three of them were alone. "I tried to imagine what this moment would be like..." She trailed off with a tearful laugh, at a loss for words, the look she gave him almost apologetic as she confessed, "I wish I could tell you that I was sorry for what I did, but the truth is, I'm not." She shifted her gaze back to their sleeping daughter, her expression softening into one of pure adoration. "Not when she's so beautiful."

"Me either," he assured her. Any hard feelings he still held towards her had dissolved as soon as he laid eyes on Sydney. She was the best part of both of them, from her fine dark hair to the tiny fingers that curled around his. How could he be mad at Kate when she'd given him the most incredible gift?

* * *

I want to include Sawyer and Juliet's baby (who will most likely be born on the island) in the epilogue but I still haven't decided what I want it to be so let me know if you have any name/gender suggestions. ;)


	20. Epilogue

Thanks for the reviews. As you can see, I finally got around to posting the epilogue! Sorry it took so long but I've been feeling so angsty about Jate since the finale that haven't been able to write anything fluffy, as those of you who've been reading my recent fics will have noticed, and as usual, this is as fluffy as it gets!

I couldn't decide what to call Sawyer and Juliet's baby so I decided to use ReadingRed's idea - especially when I found out that it was actually a popular Southern name! ;)

* * *

Epilogue.

"Do you think Amy will be offended that we didn't invite Ethan?" Kate asked Juliet, bringing her mug up to her lips.

They were sitting at opposite ends of the LaFleur's couch, drinking coffee while their children played together on a blanket on the floor. With Sawyer and Juliet's son, Wyatt, now seven months old and sitting up on his own, they had decided that it was a good time to arrange his first official playdate with Sydney, which so far seemed to be going pretty well. There hadn't been any tears yet which Kate took to be a good sign.

Juliet raised a dubious eyebrow at her. "Do you really want the man who tried to steal your nephew playing with your daughter?"

Right now, Ethan was like any other two year old boy; it was easy to forget what he was capable of, or would be in the future. Just the thought of it made her a little nervous. "Not when you put it like that!" she insisted. She watched her fifteen month old daughter totter across the room to retrieve a building block that had rolled off the mat, bringing it back to Wyatt, who was waiting with his hands outstretched. Already they made a pretty good team. "I don't care what Jack says – she's marrying Wyatt." She mussed her dark curls affectionately when she paused in front of them. "Aren't you, Sweetie?"

"Yeh!" Sydney cried, even though Kate doubted she had any idea what she was agreeing to. At least it wasn't 'No', which was her new favourite word, especially at naptime.

"From her mouth to God's ears," Juliet joked and she and Kate both laughed.

Just then the front door slammed behind them and Kate heard Sawyer's voice drawl, "You ladies look like you're havin' fun," as he rounded the corner into the living room.

"Oh, hey, James," she greeted him. "We were just talking about you."

He sighed in mock resignation, pretending to shoot a cowed glance at Juliet. "What'd I do this time?"

"We were just saying that Wyatt has your dimples," Kate explained with a smile. He was the spitting image of his father, with the same cheeky grin – albeit with less teeth – but he had his mother's colouring with his sandy blonde hair, brilliant blue eyes and porcelain skin. Together Sawyer and Juliet were the model of Aryan breeding.

It would be interesting to see what kind of children he and Sydney would produce if they did in fact get married, with her every bit as dark as he was fair. While Sydney's eyes had appeared blue at first, one morning not long after they'd brought her back from Ann Arbour, Kate had gone in to pick her up from her crib and found Jack's beautiful brown ones staring back at her just like she'd always imagined.

"And he's not above using them to get what he wants," Juliet agreed. She was always the first one to cave whenever he flashed them.

Kate had never seen Sawyer as proud of anything as he was of his son. She remembered him telling her once, when he was just a few weeks old, that he considered him to be the best part of himself. It was the same way that she'd always felt about Sydney, like after years of getting everything wrong, she'd finally done something right. "That's my boy," he gloated, scooping him up off the rug and swinging him high in the air, causing him to squeal with delight. "He's gonna be a lady-killer when he grows up."

Juliet smiled at the sight of them together. "Just like his dad," she teased Sawyer.

"Speaking of dads, we should get going," Kate announced, catching Sydney under the arms before she disappeared beneath the dining room table. Much to Jack's dismay, she seemed to have inherited her adventurous streak along with her evasiveness. In the months since she'd started walking, she'd sent both of them into a panic on more than once occasion when she'd wandered off somewhere around Dharmaville. Finally Jack had installed baby gates all over the house in order to keep her fenced in. "You know how this one's is. He won't take a break unless I remind him."

She turned to her daughter, now securely positioned on her hip, where she could keep an eye on her. "You wanna go see Daddy at work?"

Sydney nodded with big jerks of her head.

"Thanks for the coffee, Juliet," Kate told her as Juliet gathered up the empty mugs and carried them to the sink.

"Any time."

"Say bye, Sydney," she instructed her daughter as they made their way to the door.

"Buh-bye!" she shrieked.

* * *

Since they'd been at Juliet's all morning, Kate hadn't had time to prepare anything for lunch so she decided to stop off at the cafeteria.

Hurley waved to them from behind the counter as they entered. "Hey, Kate. Hey, Sydney. I have something for you," he told the little girl, fishing a chocolate chip cookie out a jar on the counter, chuckling at the way she strained her tiny body towards it as she reached out to accept her prize.

Once she had it in her hands, she held it up proudly. "Mama!"

Her innocent enthusiasm made Kate smile. If only they could all be that happy with something as simple as a cookie. "Wow. Aren't you a lucky girl?" she said, sighing inwardly as she watched her try to cram the whole thing into her mouth at once. "What d'you say?"

"Tenk ooh," Sydney chirruped through a mouthful of cookie.

"Uncle Hurley."

"Unkoo Early," she repeated, stumbling over the name.

Kate managed to catch Hurley's eye and they both laughed. "I think that deserves another cookie," he said, taking a second chocolate one from of the jar. She still hadn't finished the first one but she made a grab for it with her other hand, taking a huge bite out of it too.

"You realise she's gonna expect that every time we come in now?" Kate teased him, using the hem of her daughter's pink t-shirt to wipe a smear of chocolate from her chin.

"I know, but she's just so darn sweet. And smart," he agreed with a sheepish grin. Just like with Aaron, he'd always had a soft spot for her and Wyatt. "Hey, you think she'll be a doctor like Jack when she grows up?"

While Kate knew that he was trying hard not to put any limitations on her, she also knew that he would prefer if that particular family tradition died with him. "Not if Jack has anything to say about it," she assured him. He would rather she became a janitor if she wanted to follow in her footsteps; at least then she could avoid falling into the same trap of blame and self-doubt that that he had. But he was learning. They both were. Things were definitely better this time around.

She gathered a few things onto her tray and placed it on the counter between them. "Would you mind if we got this to go?"

* * *

He was sitting at the desk in the corner when she let them into the shed, pouring over a stack of papers. It was a far cry from his ritzy office at St Sebastian's, with vacuum cleaners and floor buffers and other janitorial equipment lining the walls instead of books but he always seemed more relaxed there, as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders, which in a sense it had. He was no longer responsible for people's lives, just those of the two people that he loved most.

"Daddy hi!" Sydney called as soon as she spotted him.

He looked up at the sound of her voice, breaking into a grin when he saw them, standing and leaning over the desk so that he could kiss Kate. "Hey." He took Sydney from her and settled her on his own hip, placing a series of noisy kisses on her cheek. "Hi. What're you guys doing here?" he asked Kate.

"We came to bring you lunch." Kate set the paper bag down on the desk in front of him, along with a thermos filled with coffee.

As always, she could see that he was touched that she wanted to take care of him. He used the hand that wasn't holding Sydney to pull her in for another kiss. "What did I do to deserve you?" he murmured against her lips, making her smile too.

When he finally released her, she opened the bag and began taking things out of it to show him. "You have a choice between chicken and mayo or roast turkey and cranberry sauce sandwiches and then there're vanilla cupcakes for dessert so there's no excuse for you not to eat something," she finished in a stern voice.

"Wow," he said, clearly impressed. "You must have been in the kitchen all morning."

She scooped everything up and put it back inside. "As much as I would love to take the credit for making all of this, it wasn't me. It was all Hurley."

"I knew I should have married him instead," he teased her.

"Ha ha. Very funny," she complained, feigning offence. "Maybe I should just take this back then." She reached for the bag but he snatched it away with his free hand.

"Don't you dare!" he insisted, clutching it to his chest so that it was shielded behind Sydney.

"So what about you and Syd?" he asked seriously when they both sobered. "Will you stay and have lunch with me?"

"If you've got time, I was thinking we could turn it into a picnic. Maybe take Sydney down to the duck pond." She was just old enough now that Kate thought she might get a kick out of feeding them so she'd brought along a couple of extra slices of bread just in case.

"I always have time for my girls," he agreed with a smile.

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that," she told him. She loved that his new outlook on life meant that she and Sydney came first.

He lowered Sydney to the ground and went back over to his desk, closing the files and gathering them into a neat pile. "Okay, let's go." He picked one of Sydney's little hands up in his and Kate took the other and together the three of them walked outside to enjoy the afternoon sunshine.

* * *

Again, thank you all for reading and reviewing. ;)


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